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Mom

Mom jokes

Little Johnny sits on a chair. He notices he is sitting on something. Then he sees a plastic di**. He asks his mom, "What's that?" and Mom didn't know, so when his dad comes home from work, he sees him with the plastic di** and says, "Son, why you messing with my personal toy?"

You're gay.

Bro, I am straighter than the pole that your mom dances on for me every night.

My mom once told me to spread positivity across the world, so I did.

I spread Covid across the globe because I tested positive :D

My mom died when we couldn’t remember her blood type. As she died, she kept telling us to “be positive,” but it’s hard without her.

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    • Irritable Bowel Syndrome saved me from depression...

    It’s hard to feel empty when you’re so full of shiii fuck ur mom.

    I was cussing out this kid for stealing, and their mom walked in and said, "Hey, language!" I just said, "English, bitch!"

    Little Jonny Bad Ass was sitting on a porch one day, and a preacher was in the house. Little Jonny Bad Ass had to use the bathroom, so he bangs on the door saying, "Mom, I have to use the bathroom!" His mom says wait. So Little Jonny Bad Ass saw a hat on the step. He looks around, pulls his pants down, and shits in the hat.

    A few later, the preacher comes out and says, "I see you have my hat!" Little Jonny Bad Ass says, "Yeah, I caught the world's fastest bird!" The preacher says, "Well, let me see him!" Little Jonny Bad Ass says, "No, I don't know." Well, the preacher says, "I'll put my hands by the hat, you lift, and I'll catch him!" Little Jonny Bad Ass lifted the hat and the preacher clapped his hands, and Little Jonny Bad Ass says, "Now see the bird don't shit," and ran.

    What’s the difference between my mom and the Twin Towers?

    My mom got hit by two cars. The Twin Towers got hit by two planes.

    When your grades get mailed to your house when you expect to get them in school.

    When you get home, your mom is there with the belt, going 1k miles per hour.

    I asked my mother about her mom.

    She said she was in a better place. After that, I asked her where that place is. She didn't know, so I sent her to a better place.