Mom jokes
When your mom tells you to stop playing on the computer, you say, "Foot you!"
Me: Why am I an orphan?
Friend: I don't know.
Me: Ask your mom.
Mom: Are you seriously gonna die?
Me: No. Don't worry. Suicide is the last thing I'll do.
My mom and I went to a bank. Hard to say I never heard of it. The name is "Addison Banks."
LOL
Why did the chicken cross the road? Because his mom said, "Ven bakac."
Mom: Kid, bring your toys and clothing to the car. We're going to Disney Land.
Kid: Ok.
*Bring kid to the orphanage*.
Big Mom is so fat, Trafalgar Law can’t make enough room for her!
When the quiet kid tells you not to go to school the next day, but your mom makes you go anyway.
POV: You're an orphan.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Not your mom.
Kenny was into incest until his mom died.
Now he's into necrophilia.
Money and my mom are kinda the same thing; they come and leave easily.
My mom always said garlic powder makes everything better, so I sprinkled some on my divorce papers and my wife's broken leg.
Why do orphans not tell when they get hit?
Because who are they gonna tell, their mom?
Yo mama so fat when she jumped in the water, the whales started singing "We are a family, even though you fatter than me."
I kidnapped an orphan. What are they going to do? Cry for mom?
Kenny can't find a girlfriend because neither of his sisters can fuck as good as his mom could.
1st graders: Ay yo girl, I think you’re beautiful, let’s get married!!
2nd graders: Uhh, don’t tell my mom that we’re dating!! She won’t let me date! Let’s keep this a seeeeecret heeheehee.
3rd graders: Uh, my teacher told me to stay after school because I wrote a poem about you and I’m 9 years old, we have to break up, sweetie.
4th graders: Hey, I think you’re cute!! Wanna date? I don’t think my girlfriend will mind.......
5th graders (they start wearing makeup): Ay girl, your eyelashes are pretty, I like you now, wanna date? Here’s my numberrrrrr.
6th graders: Heyyyyy, I gotta tell you a secret, I got a crush on you!! Don’t tell anyone!! Byeee, ooh, I’ll text you later!
7th graders: We need to make Peyton jealous because she broke up with you!! Wanna date? I mean, you’re not hot, but still, great personalityyyyy, alright, bye now.
8th graders: Hi sweetheart, I got STARRRBUCKKKSSS
Me: UGLY AF AND LITERALLY NO BOYFRIEND.....
So I didn't want my mom going through my laptop, so I put a touch screen on it where you just have to tap the screen to unlock it. Jokes on her, she doesn't have any fingers.
I told people your mom is also known as "MBD" because you're a mega baby dispenser.
So I left my mom with my baby, and I was terrified when I came back; the wheelchair was in the water.