Life is like a roll of toilet paper. The closer you get to the end, the faster it goes, and everyone is trying to shit on ya.
Why did the orphan kill himself when he found out who his dad was? Because he found out his dad was Donald Trump.
You wanna know why I love trains?
They end my suffering.
I will tell you a joke--your life.
A penis has a bad life. His neighbor is an asshole, his friend is a pussy, and his owner beats him.
Apparently, rock bottom has a basement.... :\
There is nothing funnier than my life. (Evan 2020)
So, a man was on a ledge ready to kill himself because he got laid off at work and his girlfriend cheated on him. He was about to jump until he saw from a mountainside a little guy with no arms dancing around. So he thought, "Maybe my life ain't so bad." So he went to the mountainside. "Thank you," he said, "I was gonna jump off a bridge and kill myself until I saw you dancing, even though you have no arms. Dancing?" the armless man said bitterly, "My asshole itches and I can't scratch it."
Why did the man say chickens were lucky?
Because they get killed and eaten.
What made me laugh?
The fact that my life is a joke."
My life is a joke.
Doctor: What makes you feel depressed?
Me: Seeing others happy.
Doctor: Ok, so what makes you happy?
Me: Seeing stupid people in misery or agony.
Doctor: Well, that's rather sadistic.
Me: Well, statistically one in two doctors have fingered a child...
Doctor: Do you want your prescription or shall I book you an endoscopy?
Me: There's nothing hidden inside me, I'm empty "smug face".
When your friend asks why you don't smile, then you look at them and realize no one is there because you have no friends. #my life
Person A: C'mon person B, just be happy, smile.
Person B: Over my dead body.
Person B: *gets the noose*
Me and a person downtown.
Person: Hey, crazy Saturday night.
Me: I guess so.
Person: Why do people do crazy stuff like this?
Me: I don't know. I used to, but don't anymore.
Person: Why'd you stop?
Me: Unfortunately, I lived every time I'd try something.
Friend #1: "Yo guys, what's the most unfair game you've ever played? For me it's Fortnite."
Friend #2: "I'd have to say Monopoly."
Me: "The most unfair game you say? Life, definitely. Like, no one wins, it's a one-way game."
Friend #2: "Uhh...that's not exactly what he meant..."
Friend #1: *calls the suicide hotline*
What's worse than five dead babies in one garbage can?
- One dead baby in five garbage cans.
Snow everywhere, it's Christmas time. A person looks at the tree.
The person: "Only the last thing left to hang!"
He grabs a noose.
Life is a bitch, and people make it worse.
This thing that I'm in ("am") is a forsaken curse (beta).
What’s worse than five babies in a dumpster?
One baby in five dumpsters.
