a guy on a bus saw a beautiful girl he asked for her number and of course, she said no, he asked the bus driver for advice and he said that girl goes to the cemetery to pray every day at 10 pm and look for a statue of an angel so he dresses up as god goes to the grave and she sees him she says oh lord end my misery kill me now and he said only if you do something for me first she replied what is it oh mighty lord he said to have sex with me she agreed they had sex and when she was done sucking his dick he said I have something to tell you he took of his costume and said I'm the guy from the bus and she took off her costume I'm the bus driver. (does anyone remember this it's an old joke someone made or does no one remember this I didn't make this but it went smth like this)
Do y'all know the saying "Hang in there?" Well, fuck that, because I might as well be hanging myself.
Friend: "UR LIT BRO!!"
Me: "That's what my sleeve said to my arm."
Friends: "You wanna hang with us?"
Me: "No, I wanna hang myself."
You learn from the best.
what's worse than a baby in a trash can? A baby in two trash cans.
What is a joke that will never end even though you want it to?
For me, life.
I might not be able to make my bed, but at least I can get out of it.
My battery lasted longer than your sad, depressing life.
It's funny how you feel so alone with depression, and yet once you tell people on some random website, so many people relate. Unfortunately, it doesn't stop the loneliness.
Being alive is so expensive, I am not even having a good time doing it.
Wanna know why I donβt make suicidal jokes?
Because I am one.
I was sad because I had no shoes, until I met a man who had no feet.
Then I was even sadder, because that lucky guy didn't even *need* shoes!
I was raped everyday for years. I can still smile. I hold the record for the widest asshole.
"Like if u cry everytime."
I searched up self harm jokes, clean, but I couldn't find any :[
For me, the best part of depression is remaining charming around strangers but saving the misery for the ones who love you.
Me: I have depression.
Someone: You should get out more! Go outside!
Me: *goes to the beach* Now it's a tropical depression.
Whoever has my voodoo doll, can you just finish me off already?
Don't say your life is a joke, because jokes got meaning.
My life is the joke.
