Misery jokes

What do you call two homeless people throwing rocks at each other?

A pillow fight.

You know I wish life was shorter?

I want it over.

Guys, should I do it? You know what I mean.

A guy on a bus saw a beautiful girl. He asked for her number, and of course, she said no. He asked the bus driver for advice, and he said, "That girl goes to the cemetery to pray every day at 10 p.m. and look for a statue of an angel." So he dresses up as God, goes to the grave, and she sees him. She says, "Oh, Lord, end my misery! Kill me now!" And he said, "Only if you do something for me first." She replied, "What is it, oh mighty Lord?" He said, "Have sex with me." She agreed. They had sex, and when she was done sucking his dick, he said, "I have something to tell you." He took off his costume and said, "I'm the guy from the bus." And she took off her costume: "I'm the bus driver."

(Does anyone remember this? It's an old joke someone made, or does no one remember this? I didn't make this, but it went smth like this)

What's the similarity between your money and your life?

It just keeps going down.

Do y'all know the saying "Hang in there?" Well, fuck that, because I might as well be hanging myself.

My joke is:

My life.

Friend: "UR LIT BRO!!"

Me: "That's what my sleeve said to my arm."

Friends: "You wanna hang with us?"

Me: "No, I wanna hang myself."

You learn from the best.

what's worse than a baby in a trash can? A baby in two trash cans.

What is a joke that will never end even though you want it to?

For me, life.

Are you going to jump? Can I jump with you?

I might not be able to make my bed, but at least I can get out of it.

I wish I was dead like my jokes.

My battery lasted longer than your sad, depressing life.

You're homeless, you orphan!

I have no life, and I have no funny jokes.

It's funny how you feel so alone with depression, and yet once you tell people on some random website, so many people relate. Unfortunately, it doesn't stop the loneliness.

Being alive is so expensive, I am not even having a good time doing it.

(To a thief) If you like taking things, how about you take my life?