a guy on a bus saw a beautiful girl he asked for her number and of course, she said no, he asked the bus driver for advice and he said that girl goes to the cemetery to pray every day at 10 pm and look for a statue of an angel so he dresses up as god goes to the grave and she sees him she says oh lord end my misery kill me now and he said only if you do something for me first she replied what is it oh mighty lord he said to have sex with me she agreed they had sex and when she was done sucking his dick he said I have something to tell you he took of his costume and said I'm the guy from the bus and she took off her costume I'm the bus driver. (does anyone remember this it's an old joke someone made or does no one remember this I didn't make this but it went smth like this)
Friend: "UR LIT BRO!!"
Me: "That's what my sleeve said to my arm."
what's worse than a baby in a trash can? A baby in two trash cans.
I was raped everyday for years. I can still smile. I hold the record for the widest asshole.
For me, the best part of depression is remaining charming around strangers but saving the misery for the ones who love you.
What makes sad people jump? A bridge.
What's the difference between life and death? Life hurts.
An orphanage got robbed yesterday. Let's just say that's the second worst thing to happen to those orphans. At least they didn't end up like their parents.
My dad brought me some sunglasses, but it still wasn't enough to keep my son out of my life.
The only time you see a depressed person lifted up is when they hang themselves.
I have a funny joke: my life.
Can some hot depressed suicidal guy give me his number so we can cry about being depressed and wanting to die?
Who needs April Fools?
When your whole life is a joke?
You wanna know why I love trains?
They end my suffering.
There is nothing funnier than my life. (Evan 2020)
Doctor : what makes you feel depressed? Me: seeing others happy Doctor : ok so what makes you happy? Me: seeing stupid people in misery or agony Doctor: Well that's rather sadistic. Me: well statistically one in two doctors have fingerd a child... Doctor: do you want your prescription or shall I book you an endoscopy? Me: there's nothing hidden inside me, I'm empty "smug face".
Person A: C'mon person B, just be happy, smile.
Person B: Over my dead body.
Person B: *gets the noose*
Friend #1: "Yo guys, what's the most unfair game you've ever played? For me it's Fortnite."
Friend #2: "I'd have to say Monopoly."
Me: "The most unfair game you say? Life, definitely. Like, no one wins, it's a one-way game."
Friend #2: "Uhh...that's not exactly what he meant..."
Friend #1: *calls the suicide hotline*
Snow everywhere, it's Christmas time. A person looks at the tree.
The person: "Only the last thing left to hang!"
He grabs a noose.
A penis has a sad life.
His hair is a mess.
His family is nuts.
His neighbor is an asshole.
His best friend is a pussy.
And his owner beats him.
