ME jokes
What's an orphan's favorite Roblox game? Adopt Me.
My mom told me to get off the computer or she will slam my head into the keyboard.
I don't think she lskdjfklsdjf.
Me: Opens the window to get some fresh air.
Everyone else on the plane: 😟...😱
"Knock, knock." "Who's there?" "Boo." "Boo who?" "Don't cry in front of me, or else I'll cry!"
Today a girl asked me how big my dick is, so I asked how big her pussy is, and she said, "Come over to my house and find out!"
Please encourage me to do suicide! ;P
I was in Portugal enjoying my lunch when I saw a man choking! I wanted to save him, but a local stopped me. “That’s Penandes, he always chokes when it matters most and ghosts in big games.” True enough, Penandes’ Ghost emerged from his body! Poor Penandes, may he get well soon!
At a date:
He: "I work with animals every day."
Me: "Oh, how sweet! What do you do?"
He: "I'm a butcher."
Yeah, Who am I? Someone that's afraid to let go, uh. You decide if you're ever gonna let me know, yeah. Suicide if you ever try to let go, uh. I'm sad, I know, yeah, I'm sad, I know, yeah. Who am I? Someone that's afraid to let go, uh. You decide if you're ever gonna let me know, yeah. Suicide if you ever try to let go, uh. I'm sad I know, yeah, I'm sad I know, yeah.
I gave her everything. She took my heart and left me lonely. I think broken heart's contagious. I won't fix, I'd rather weep. I'm lost then I'm found. But it's torture bein' in love. I love when you're around. But I f**kin' hate when you leave. Who am I? Someone that's afraid to let go, uh. You decide if you're ever gonna let me know, yeah. Suicide if you ever try to let go, uh. I'm sad I know, yeah, I'm sad I know, yeah. Who am I? Someone that's afraid to let go, uh. You decide if you're ever gonna let me know, yeah. Suicide if you ever try to let go, uh. I'm sad I know, yeah, I'm sad I know, yeah. Who am I? Someone that's afraid to let go, uh. You decide if you're ever gonna let me know, yeah. Suicide if you ever try to let go, uh. I'm sad I know, yeah, I'm sad I know, yeah. Who am I? Someone that's afraid to let go, uh. You decide if you're ever gonna let me know, yeah. Suicide if you ever try to let go, uh. I'm sad I know, yeah, I'm sad I know, yeah.
I was checking my shoe in my dad's wallet, and he slapped me. What exactly did I do to warrant the slap?
Repeat after me...
Me: "You have a weird style."
Mom: "You have a weird style."
Me: "Um, not your mirror!" *runs away*
What happened when a kid bullied an orphan?
The orphan said, "I’m going to tell my mom!"
Bully: "I wanna see your mom!"
Narrator: At that moment, he knew he messed up.
This was my friend's joke he wanted me to post;)
When you tell an orphan, "I did your mom in your home," and they start crying.
Me: You f&*k up.
The class: Oh sh!&
The person next to me on my flight was shocked when they found out I was Arabian. I lagged so hard my gerber almost fell out of my pocket.
Why are people mad at me? All I did was tell the truth and put the Bible in the fiction section of the library.
I'm doin' your mom. Yes, yours!
I first saw her in the Wal-Mart pickin' out your drawers. Big Dolly Parton hair like an 80s prom queen but her ass was lookin' good all up in those mom-jeans. I approached her in the checkout line, and said, "Yo baby wassup?" She had two gallons of milk, and I was starin' at her jugs. Five minutes later she agreed to get with me so we went and rocked the minivan like Giggity. Giggity. Giggity.
I was ridin' your mom like she was Mario Kart. I gave her a lift back to her crib cause her car wouldn't start. She invited me in the house, and we started makin' out again. How many times I tap that ass? OVER 9000!
Yeah. She called me Pledge cause I knocked the dust off it. She later made me a sandwich and she cut the crust off it. Cause she knows how I like it, and that I'm a little young to be in the bed, butt-naked doin' your mom.
I saw this really old guy with the Hitler stache, so I decided to start beating him up.
It was very weird when a camera crew came out with Harrison Ford and started yelling at me.
Mom: Clean your room! Me: No, it’s my room, and I don’t want to clean it. Mom: You are nothing like Mrs. Smith’s daughter. Me: Well, I’m not Mrs. Smith’s daughter now, am I? You are the worst. Why are you trying to compare me with Mrs. Smith’s daughter? I’m not her, OK? I am not her, so stop! Mom: Do you know what? I pushed you out of my hula for 43 minutes! Do not make me hate you, because guess what? I brought you into the world, and I can take you out of it! Me: Bro.
I am so cool that even the fridge or a snowman would shiver his timbers when they see me :).
Me and Billy Bob the 1st, Billy Bob the 2nd, and Billy Bob 4th Jr. were all in the Twin Towers.