ME jokes

I think about my life, and then I think about death. I prefer death. If you ask me, life is just a time when you die. Basically, death is life, meaningless 0-0.

Boyfriend: "Babe, are you traffic police?"

Girlfriend: "No."

Boyfriend: "Then why do you shout at me for not wearing a helmet?"

A B C D E F G H I see a bitch in front of me.

Some guy came to me and said, "I'm your dad's friend. He asked me to pick you up."

*Laughing freaking hard* and told him, "Did you dig the grave?"

What’s similar between a pregnant 12 year old and the fetus inside of her?

They’re both thinking, “Oh, shit, my mum’s gonna kill me!”

Give me baby girl names for a pregnant YouTuber.

The bell rings, and Ana was about to leave, but the teacher said, "The bell doesn't dismiss you, I do."

The next day, Ana was late, and the teacher asked, "Why are you late?" Ana replied with, "The bell doesn't tell me when I should arrive, I do."

This bitch won't message me anymore, what the fuck do I do? Why are bitches so sensitive?

Some kid in a wheelchair called me fat.

I told her, "Do a wheelie!"

How did my dad know I was gay?

He stuck his cock in me and I liked it.

I'm so poor that when robbers break into my house,

they bring me things. <_>

My therapist told me time heals wounds, so I stabbed him, and now we wait.

You must be a Charmander. Because you’re making me hot.

Pokemon.

I hate long plants. They make me Ivysaur. Hahahahahahaha Pokemon!

Me: What’s the definition of “ignorance”?

Friend: Don’t know?

Me: U STUPID!

Hey, talk to me here!

My son's into astromancy asked me how do stars die, so I told him, "Usually on overdose, son."

I drip when you take me in the mouth, what am I? Ice cream.

What did the calculator say to his friends? “You can count on me!”

I met a baseball player, so I told him to make a home run, and he just looked at me with sadness. I don't know why.

By the way, he was an orphan.