ME jokes
Jacob likes fucking me and my mom.
"Imagine being an orphan, could never be me," I say. For some reason, everyone started crying, then I walked out of Dave's orphanage.
I walk into a bar. There was a line of people waiting to punch me. Yup. That was the punch line.
My wife and I were out to dinner and the waitress started flirting with me.
"She obviously has COVID," my wife said.
"Why?" I asked.
My wife replied with a sneer, "Because she has no taste!"
Me: "Cya"
Mom: "Where ya going?"
Me: "The orphanage to make yo mama jokes."
Mum: ...
Memes
Thanks to the voice who keeps telling me to let go,
he is my only motivation for trying again.
Sister: Wanna know the difference between your singing and your flute playing?
Me: Sure... (Expecting a completely different response than what I get.)
Sister: Nvm, they have no difference.
Me: *Confused*
Sister: They're both horrible.
Your mom is so fat that when she saw Moby Dick, she said, "We are family... even though you're bigger than me."
Me and Billy Bob the 1st, Billy Bob the 2nd, and Billy Bob 4th Jr. were all in the Twin Towers.
When the kid in the wheelchair scares you... you wheelie scared me.
The youngest of the Twin Towers said, "Goodbye, brotha." But the one who got hit, which is the oldest, said, "If I go down, you go with me!"
Me when the your, uh, uhhhh, when your me when the your, uhhh, uhhhhh, mom.
I told my wife to embrace her mistakes.
So she gave me a hug.
Me running from the table where the Emo table with a happy meal.
Me running from the table where the Emos sit with a Happy Meal.
Kid me: I lost my stick.
Teacher: No, you didn’t.
Kid me: How do you know that?
Teacher: It’s hanging out of your pants.
A cop pulls me over and asks if I have been drinking.
I'm an honest person and say yes, I did, so I take off my sunglasses and tell him that I now had 2 glasses less.
I tell my therapist I’m scared of the 3rd, 9th, and 15th letter of the alphabet.
Doctor: Oh, I see.
Me: Ahhhh!!!!!
Yo mama so fat, when she jumped in the ocean, the whales said, "We are family, even though you're fatter than me!"
What did the plane say to the twin towers?
"Lmao, you twins don't know how to play Jenga. Here, let me show you how!" (BOOM) ;)