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ME jokes

So I made a simple cancer joke on Roblox with my friend, and then both her dumb-ass friends were like, "OMG WHY WOULD U SAY DAT? YOUR HORRIBLE!!" That pissed me off. Like damn woman, it's not like I said, "IF PEOPLE IN YOUR FAMILY DIED FROM CANCER THAT MEANS YOU AND YOUR FAMILY ARE ALL DUMB-ASSES." If anything they are actually dumb asses but hey. Also they can't talk. They don't know that I'm abused everyday at home and pressured to get good grades or else I'd get my head bashed against a wall till there is blood. So if they are reading this, SUCK MY ASS BITCH.

My parents told me that when they had sex, it was absolutely shambles.

Thankfully, it turned out that they were real balls.

My friend gave me sugar for my birthday. She thought it was cheap; I thought it was pretty sweet.

Me: What do you call a group of retards?

Friend: Down town?

Me: Nope, target practice.

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    • I was finally released from jail a year after I beat up someone on New Year’s Eve.

    Don’t blame me for being suspicious of an Arabian counting down from ten.

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    • The person next to me on my flight was shocked when they found out I was Arabian. I lagged so hard my gerber almost fell out of my pocket.

    A man walks into a bar with a piece of asphalt under his arm. The bartender asks what he wants. The man says, "I would like one beer for me and one for the road."

    When I was in high school, me and my friends would play with this girl who had Down syndrome.

    We would get into a circle around her and say, "Nightmare, nightmare!"

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    • Woman one: "I got so mad at my GPS today that I told it to go to hell!"

    Woman two: "Did that work?"

    Woman one: "Well, it took me to my in-laws’ house."

    Me: Have you seen a Mr. Weewoo?

    Most people: No.

    Me: He drives the ambulance downstairs.

    The other day, my wife asked me to pass her lipstick, but I accidentally passed her a glue stick. She still isn't talking to me.

    A Chinese boy never met his parents after they were killed in WW2, so when he learned where they were buried, he quickly rushed there.

    He sat down in front of their graves and prayed, "I want to see your face again, mommy..." A miracle happened; his mother rose up from the graves and hugged him.

    The boy cried then said, "I want to see you too, dad." He looked at his father's grave, but nothing happened.

    Suddenly, a Japanese soldier came up behind him and asked, "Were you looking for me?"

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    • Why did Snow White get kicked out of Disneyland?

    She sat on Pinocchio's face and said: "Lie to me! Lie to me!"

    A man gets captured by cannibals.

    Every day they poke him with spears and use his blood to wash down their food. Finally the guy calls the chief over and says, "You can kill me or you can eat me, but I'm tired of getting stuck for drinks."