ME jokes

My mother wanted to test my responsibility and wanted me to cook dinner for the family to help me understand how it feels to constantly cook for a whole family. So, me with my horrible humor, decided to make a giant joke for when dinner time came around, and so I just got four plates and set them in front of my family and I then said, "Here you are, a fine African meal." Then everybody looked at me in disappointment, and then I continued to say, "What? Poor taste?"

In life, it’s either yeet or get beat, and I clearly failed yeeting as a child, as my dad beat me.

Jimmy: Your mom is gay.

Me: No, you.

Jimmy: I have no mom.

So an orphan was crying in a corner in the dark. Then a man came over and asked, "Why are you crying?"

Then said, "Do you want me to get your parents?"

Me: Knock knock.

Some dude on the street: Who's there?

Me: Whowhowho.

Dude: Whowhowho who?

Whowhowhowhowhowhowhowhowhowhowhowhowho.

My friend asked me:

Friend: "How much is your body worth?"

Me: "1 million."

Friend: "1 million dollars?!"

Me: "No. 1 million kilograms."

Friend: "Oh."

So my ex invited me to dinner with her new boyfriend.

Her boyfriend said "Hi."

I said, "Knife to meet you!"

billie: hi.

me: You wanna hear a story?

billie: Yes, sure.

me: Once upon a time, I ran over your dog last night.

Murder: Wanna play a game?

Me: Ok (pulls out Xbox controller)

Someone asked me where to find de wae?

I replied with: Oh, de wea, that's a shop. It's down the road.

The lunch lady gave me only one carrot. I didn't carrot all.

Why does God hate me?

Because I'm a gay minority who fights for women's rights.

Me and my friend went to the park. After a while, we grabbed our little princess and said, "It's time to go, sweetie." But before we could go, someone said, "Stop them, they have my daughter!"

A miscarriage always brings the child out in me.

"Fuck me."

That's what she said.

My friend was annoying me with bird puns. I realized toucan play at this game.

Yesterday, a clown held the door open for me. It was such a nice jester!

What did one bear reply to his bad pun?

"Bear with me!"

There was a dog in the middle of the room, so I called it and started to play fetch. Then my mother shouted at me for playing with my food. I missed it, but it was tasty.

Me: (pointing up in the air) "Everybody listen up, this is a robbery!"

Girl: "Dude, this is a library."

Me: "Oh." (screwing on a silencer)