ME jokes

I didn't like having long nails, but they're growing on me.

I wanted to be an astronaut, but my parents always told me when I was little that the sky was the limit.

"Dumbest7" is my Xbox account. Hit me up.

My dog got mad at me for touching his toy. He said, "Get your paws off my toy!"

Evan, this is Mya, and your mom told me you were adopted, so we are done. Bye, don’t talk to me.

Yo, Rob, you forgot to pay me cause you sucky sucky my thang.

AKA, you're up for adoption.

Rob, you forgot to pay me for letting you sucky sucky on my thang.

AKA you're for sale.

"Send me back, I never liked you."

Evan, me and your mom are done with you.

Add me on Xbox Live: ironstriker1316.

I always loved going to Bill Cosby's house; he always greeted me when I woke up with "Rapey-rapey, eggs and bakey."

Some kids at school made fun of me for playing Halo. I gave them a halo.

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When I saw a dead body on the ground and my editor was filming, I told him to censor that a-hole. When I saw the completed product, he censored me. Then I killed him.

My friend had this annoying little kid that always used to yell and scream when he didn't get what he wanted. I told my friend there's a new attraction a few states away he could take him to.

Confused, my friend asked me what it was. I told him, "The Sandy Hook Experience: Where you come in and leave with a 'hole' lot of fun."

I bought a wooden whistle. But it wooden whistle. So I bought a steel whistle. But it steel wooden whistle. So I bought a lead whistle. But it steel wooden lead me whistle. So I bought an iron whistle. But ironically it steel wooden lead me whistle.

A friend of mine tried to annoy me with bird puns, but I soon realized that toucan play at that game.

So I was in the car with my mom one time and we always joke about me being adopted (I am not), and Michael Jackson's song "Billie Jean" sounds like my name, and so my mom says, as the song is playing, "(My name) is not my daughter, she's just a girl who claims that I am her mum." Wow. *applauds for mother* Love you momma =)

My ex misses me, good thing she'll never hit me.

Me: Why did the chicken cross the road?

Person: Why?

Me: Because he wanted to.