Back

ME jokes

I was at my boyfriend's house, and I thought he was cheating on me. He was on the phone with somebody, and he said he'd be over there soon. So I asked him if I could see his phone. He said no, and then we fought about it until I saw his gun, and because I thought he was lying to me, I shot him, went through his phone, and his friend was still on the phone.

I talked to a future suicide bomber. I told him, "ISIS ain't got sh** on me because I planted a bomb and lived."

Incest is wincest. (That was above.)

Fun for the whole family!

Next of kin, count me in!

I congratulated my friend on losing all that baby weight. She started crying and told me I should make them for miscarriage like that......

Guy 2 whispering: Oh, I got tired of acting gay.

Guy 1: I heard you. Why are you acting gay?

Guy 2: To attract gays and then give them advice.

Guy 1: So what's your advice to me?

Guy 2: That I just know you're gay.

LOL xD

  • 2

    • Guy 1: P-gay or T-gay?

    Guy 2: P-gay sounds cooler.

    Guy 1: Yeah me too. I don't like P-ewDiePie, always love T-series.

    Guy 2: Omg what did i just say? I wasn't even knowing what were you talking about :<

    Guy 1: Like I do care :$

    Guy 3: But I do care :<

    Guy 1: F*ck you.

    Guy 3: Do it.

    Guy 2: But you do care about me.

    Guy 3: No.

    Guy 2: F*ck you.

    Guy 3: Do it.

    :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D

    What's the difference between a Lambo and a boner?

    Your sister didn't give me a Lambo.

    Me and my grandpa went on a road trip, and he died. That was the last thing we did together, and I will never forget his last words: “WAKE UP YOU DUMBASS!”

    One day I was eating a banana, and one my friend was eating in the balcony, so I threw my banana on his balcony. He stepped on it, so he got slipped, and one yogi was passing by me, so my friend's banana fell on his head, and he got a very nice shining half-eaten banana choti on his golden smooth head.

    I say 1, 2, 3, all the kids bullied me, but now they're not so cool, cuz I shot up the school.

  • 0

    • A skeleton walks into a bar and said it takes "backbone" to mess with me, and if you try to insult me, I have thick skin.

    A guy walks up to me and says, "I wonder if the hookman is real?"

    I reply saying, "Yeah, it's Asa Hutchinson, lol."

    Me: "I came home laughing."

    Parents: "What's wrong?"

    Me: "The teacher asked everyone a question. Luckily, I was the only one who knew."

    Parents: "Good for you, Johnny. What was the fantastic question your teacher gave everyone and only you knew?"

    Me: "Well, it's kinda complicated, but here it goes."

    Parents: "What is it?"

    Me: "Who farted?"

    - I think you're EGGcellent.

    + Wow... You really CRACK ME UP with that joke. I think you're a EGGxtraordinary comedian.

    - Really? Are you done yet?.

    + Are you kidding? I have a DOZEN of them.