ME jokes

Boy

    • I wrote a few jokes:

    What does a 15-year-old boy do without two hands when his parents are not at home? Well, obviously do not jerk off.

    Yesterday a girl from my job invited me to her home and there I had crazy sex. I could not think that her mother is so hot.

    What will happen the morning after the destruction of humanity? Duncan MacLeod makes himself breakfast.

    Woman

    • Secretly, I’m a woman catfishing gay men on Grindr. When a notification from the app went off, my son told me, “I’ve heard that sound. Daddy has that game, too!”

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    • Orphan

    • A teacher says, "If you have one dollar and your parents give you 5 dollars, how much do you have?"

    Everyone raised their hands except for a little girl in the front, but the teacher called on her anyway.

    The girl said, "My parents left me, so I would have one dollar."

    Pecker

    • So little Susie came home and said, "Mom, little Johnny showed me his pecker."

    And her mom said, "WHAT?!"

    And little Susie was like, "Yeah, it reminded me of a peanut." Her mom said, "Oh, because it was so small?"

    Susie said, "No, because it tasted salty."

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    • Auntie

    • I will remember my auntie's last words: "If you shoot me, your p-nis is small!"

    (gun shot)

    Dad

    • Why did my dad leave me and my mum?

    I told him it wasn't big enough and then ran off saying, "Daddy, yeeeees!"

    Orphan

    • To all of you making jokes about orphans, it’s all fun and games until both of your parents leave you.

    LMFAO (my parents left me and it’s not the funniest thing ever)

    Penaldo

    • I was born and raised in Newcastle.

    My grandfather used to tell me stories about Penaldo, a goblin from Portugal that travels to England when Newcastle is playing. He scores a tapin and then disappears until the next Newcastle game. I still have nightmares that he’s in our stadium.

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