ME jokes

When I died, my friend said he'd cover me.

The name is Doe, Dilbert Doe. You can call me Dil.

I am in trouble. My mum asked me to get six cans of Sprite.

But I got seven Up.

They're not jokes, they're notes now, get me?

I am in trouble.

My girlfriend told me that she wonders what our kids will look like.

No, they will be wondering what I look like.

The doctor gave me one year to live, so I shot him with my gun. The judge gave me 15 years. Problem solved.

I visited my new friend in his apartment. He told me to make myself at home.

So I threw him out. I hate having visitors.

Me talks to an orphan: Hey, I have a joke.

Orphan: Go on then.

Me: Your family tree.

My girlfriend keeps calling me a pedophile. That’s a big word for a six-year-old.

My friend: You really need to stop the SH jokes.

Me: But they're not that long.

Knock knock... Who's there? It's Jesus, let me in... Why? I have to save you... From what? From what I'm gonna do to you if you don't let me in.

My boyfriend dumped me. Guess who came back crawling for his zimmer frame?

My sister is the weird dark one and emo of the family. I'm the bright happy one. Once in 3rd grade, I got a huge A on mine, and my sis got a D-.

In the playground near a tree, we were sitting and playing. I said, "Hey, a C- is not that bad," and raised my hand up to give her a high five, but she left me hanging.

This guy called anonymous said he's going to own me like he did my mum. Joke's on him, I have two dads.

My girlfriend’s dog died, so I bought her another, identical one.

She just screamed at me and said: “What am I meant to do with two dead dogs?!?”

Son: Dad, if I told you I was gay, would you still love me?

Dad: Don’t be silly son, you were an accident. I never loved you in the first place.

Today, me and my best friend went to the Grand Canyon. He was taking up all the space by the edge, and I told him to back up. R.I.P. to him.

Fuck people who are bigger than me physically, emotionally, mentally, economically, and socially.

Yesterday a woman stabbed me, so I stabbed her back. Then I realized she was the vaccine woman.

Me people call me emo.

Older cousin: Why?

Because I always have my hood up and wear black cloths and wear black cross earrings.