ME jokes
What do you say when a cat says "me moaw"?
The cat says "me toooo!"
My friend said this to me: "Were you born on a highway? Because that's where most accidents happen." :(
I hope death is a woman That way she'll never look at me twice
What do you call an orphan's family region?
Me time.
Bully: How is your girlfriend?
Me: I don't have one!
Bully: I know!
Me: How are your parents?
*Walks out of orphanage*
Other girls want a guy who is 6ft, but does me being 6ft under count?
Doctor: You should stop masturbating.
Me: Doc, I'm almost done.
Me to an orphan: If you had a penny for everyone who loved you, I don't think you'd have any.
The orphan: But why?
Me: Because if someone loved you, they wouldn't have thrown you out.
My mom is telling me to get off Friday Night Funkin' or she will slam my head against the keyboard: weherhrqqkh[qokqho[krq3[t4i2-4q43q343q44334q43.
I dated an orphan and then later married him for 7 years until he told me he was an orphan.
Emo: Phone die.
Emo: Why not me? ;(
Ashley said to me one day, "What is my name?"
And I said, "My name is everyday life of stupidity."
Abortion is a really touchy subject for me. On one hand, there's dead babies! But on the other hand, women get a choice.
My BFF asked me: "You know why it took Carlos 3 days to move on?"
I said: "Why?"
My BFF says: "Well, it's because he was already cheating!"
I said: "KNEW IT!"
School teacher: "Hey kid, why don't you just go home to your family?"
Orphan: "My family never came back for me."
School teacher: "Your daddy must've really needed that milk."
What's the best way to tell your friend you hate them? Option 1: Kill them. Option 2: Walk away. Option 3: Kill each other.
Me: Why can't I just kms and leave them the pain?
I was at a farm in France called ‘Uber eats Farmer league’, then I saw a strange creature called ‘Pessi’. He only appears against farmers.
He ran towards to me, I didn’t know what I should do so I decided to shout “Big games! Big games!“ Pessi scurried away.
MISSING!! MISSING!! 🚨
Name-pionel PESSI Missing: 09/03/2021 vs Madrid Characteristics: Disappearing in big games + Diving + always ranting "give me penalty"
Possible Locations: Penalty Spot, St etienne
Last seen- Alaba’s Pocket
⚠️ ⚠️: don’t walk around with pens
I told my husband he should embrace his mistakes.
He hugged me!
My girlfriend didn't bring me the sandwich, so I brought the gas.