ME jokes

Elementary school kids: School is fun.

Me: Yeah, yeah, just keep believing that.

"Meow, meow, woof, woof." That's what animals say to me when I die.

For Charlie D'Amelio fans, my basement is your home now. Leave a like if you agree with me.

You have five seconds to kill me. 1... 2... 3... 4... Thank you. I can rest now. WAIT, HOW AM I TALKING?????????????????????

I want to die at a party. This is because nobody can be sad over me.

Why do orphans only have 363 days in a year?

Friend: Why?

Me: Because they don't have a mother or father's day.

Leave a like if you like sex and porn, and talk to me if you have any questions.

What's the difference between me and the rest of America?

I love one and hate the other.

Me and rose bushes have something in common: mangled, can hurt, red, and people only like one part.

D.A.R.E. Lion Mascot: Don't take drugs kids!

Me: My therapist says I need those to live.

D.A.R.E. Lion Mascot: _escorts to school counselor_

Me walking away after committing murder in a school with my trusty “friend”.

What did the pirate say when he saw a ghost? He said, "Oh my God, it's me dead parrot!"

One day, I was sitting on my couch watching YouTube when I heard a knock on the door. I opened the door, and to my surprise, it was my dad. I haven't seen him in 16 years, so I let him in. I noticed he had a gallon of milk in his hand, and he went to the kitchen and put the milk in the fridge.

Then he walked towards me and said, "Oh no! I forgot the cereal!" Then he walked out the door and drove away. I never saw him again.

Your hairline is lookin' so crusty like KFC chicken and be so discombobulated that it looks like satellite signals. It gives me flippin' sun radiation.

Technoblade!

Please tell me you understand this...

Me: I hit an orphan!

Mom: OMG WHY?

Me: Not like they can tell their parents-

Officer, I drop-kicked that child in self-defense!

You gotta believe me!

My friend said to me that I am gay. My response? I’m as straight as that pole that your mum danced on last night.

Knock, knock.

Who's there?

QoS.

QoS who?

QoS there me me who me and you.

I saw a little boy sitting on a curb wearing rags.

I said: "Aww, are you an orphan?"

And he responded with "Yeah. What gave me away?"

And I said: "Your parents."