ME jokes
Me: I have lost it.
Random: Lost what?
Me: My will to live.
Your mom went to the ocean, and the whales said, "We are family," even though you are fatter than me.
I don't like Roblox Adopt Me. It reminds me of my past.
This dwarf was being mean to me, so I said, "When you get home, I hope Snow White kicks the shit out of you."
Me: Do you like smash?
Friend: Smash Rolls?
Me: No, Smash DEEZ NUTS!
Friend: AHHHHH (*moans)
Everybody loves guns!
Every time I show them mine, they give me free stuff.
Whenever I have diarrhea, my roommate gets constipated.
When I told him this, he said, "Are you kidding me?"
I said, "I shit you not."
What’s the last thing Tickle Me Elmo receives before leaving the factory?
Two test tickles.
I didn't come into the prostitution business...
It came into me.
My parents raised me as an only child, which really pissed off my sister.
*at school*
Nobody: Do you want nuts?
Me: Wait, you have some?
Nobody: Yeah, they're my own.
Me: :0
Ex-bf's gf: You're so ugly as hell.
Me: Oh, did I mention that I was trying to be you?
Your hairline reminds me of a car taking a U-turn.
"Me fa so?"
I'm ashamed to admit feeling proud of the rape joke I posted and what went on between me and your mum.
"Herishy, me lava u, why did u leave mee? Wahh wahh baby sharka, doodle do to to babyyy cutie pie..."
I was playing a tennis match against a girl and said, "I will fuck you up." She said, "Try me." So that's exactly what I did, and I won by forfeit as she ended up running away crying.
Me: Doctor, can I get a new butt? My old one has a crack in it.
Doctor: I told you a billion times already. Everyone's butt has a crack in it.
Me: How do you know that?
"Me lava you sooo much, cutie cake. I know I'm so so so cuteee. Lava you girl... ummmma ummmaaa. I know where you liveee kutty."
"Me so cutie right?"