Marriage jokes
So I was digging in the garden and I found some treasure. I was gonna tell my wife when I remembered why I was digging in the garden.
Welcome to the Fast Food Divorce Center where yesterday's lies are today's fries.
Husband: Hey honey, words can’t describe how beautiful you are.
Wife: Aww, thanks.
Husband: But numbers can. 0 out of 10.
My wife told me to treat her like a princess, so I got drunk and drove through the tunnel.
My wife told me I could never, ever build a car out of spaghetti. You should have seen the look on her face when I drove pasta!
Q: What’s worse than fingerbanging your sister?
A: Finding your dad's wedding ring.
My wife treats me like God!
She takes no notice of my existence until she wants something.
What’s the worst joke ever? Your parents’ relationship.
A man comes home, and the wife says, "My ex just died by getting hit by a bus." And the husband said, "I lost my job as a bus driver."
My wife told me to contact more of my feminine side.
I crashed the car and fucked my trainer.
What’s worse than finger banging your sister?
Finding your dad’s wedding ring.
My wife told me to stop impersonating a flamingo. I had to put my foot down.
A husband came back from a business trip and found out that his wife was pregnant. At first, he got a bit suspicious, but then he just ignored it and hugged his wife with happiness. The second when he met his friend and told him the news, the friend just said, "Wait, what? I thought she was on pills!"
My wife wanted a boob job. I told her it was too expensive.
I told her all she has to do is take some toilet paper and rub it in between her boobs for a few days, and they would get bigger. She asked, "How is that supposed to work?"
I replied, "I don't know how it works, but it did a heck of a job on your ass!"
Husband: "Honey, I just bought these special Olympic-style condoms!"
Wife: "Olympic-style condoms? What makes them so special?"
Husband: "They come in three colors: gold, silver, and bronze."
Wife: "Ooh, sweet. What color are you going to wear tonight?"
Husband: "Gold, of course!"
Wife: "Why don't you wear silver? It would be nice if you came second for a change."
This site is darker than fingering your sister and finding your dad's wedding ring.
Recently, I've found out my wife has been cheating on me for the past 3 weeks with a baker downtown in Manhattan, New York, thinking I wouldn't find out. Irony of it all, she received a yeast infection.
Q: What did the skeleton say when he proposed to his girlfriend?
A: Will you marrow me?
Do you know why orphans can't get married? Because they will never get their parents' blessing.
MOM: Honey, I'm pregnant.
DAD: Hi, Pregnant, I'm Dad.
MOM: No, you're not.