You know they say, when you get lemos make lemonade...Well i took that a little bit too literal
Turns out squeezing your wife's tits as hard as you can hurts them.
But at least lemonade came out!
Farmer walks into his bedroom with his wife in bed with a sheep under his arm says this is the pig I'm fucking she say u idiot that's a sheep he says shut up I wasn't talking to you
Son asks dad “how much does marriage cost?”
Dad: “i don’t know son I’m still paying for it”
A proud father has six children. He always calls his wife "mother of six" to her displeasure. One night at a party, he yells across the room, "Mom of six, we're going now." She replies: "I'll be right there, father of four.
Why can't antelopes get married?
Because they can't elope.
a russian wedding should be called a soviet union
Man walks in to his bedroom where his wish is carrying a sheep under his arm and says this is the pig I've been fucking.wife says that's not a pig that's a sheep dumbass.husband says I was talking to the sheep
At a party, a young wife admonished her husband, “That’s the fourth time you’ve gone back for ice cream and cake. Doesn’t it embarrass you?”
“Why should it?” answered her spouse. “I keep telling them it’s for you.” Like if you do this to your spouse.
How do the cop respond to being called racist He said how can I be racist my wife’s eyes black
My grandma always looks at me when we go to a wedding and says you’re next When we attend aFuneral, I say you’re next
My last best man's speech was like the marriage
Short, occasionally funny, and ultimately ruined by the bridesmaid.
Marriage is really educational
When I was single, I didn't even know there was a wrong way to put a fork in the dishwasher.
How is a marriage like a hurricane?
In the beginning there’s a lot of sucking and blowing but at the end you lose your house
What made Adam and Eve's marriage perfect?
He didn't have to hear about all the men she could have married, and she didn't have to hear about his Mom's cooking.
One spelling mistake can completely ruin your marriage
I accidentally texted my wife “I’m having a wonderful time. I wish you were her.”
A failed marriage is like an Avengers movie.
First someone snaps, then half your stuff is gone.
What is the worst thing about dating a blind woman? Getting her husband‘s voice just right
Wife: Honey, I’m pregnant Husband: Hi Pregnant, I’m dad Wife: No, you’re not
My screen lock is my favorite picture of my wife. When I'm on a 14-hour shift, being miserable, hating my life... I pull out my phone and gaze at the picture of my wife. Then I realize it's better here than at home with her ass.
So a husband and a wife have three kids. the husband is on his death bed and he looks up at his wife and says. "Honey, is our youngest song truly and honestly mine?" She says in response. "I sware on everything that is good and holy our youngest son is your" He dies peacefully.
Then she says under her breathe, "I'm glad he didn't ask about the first two."
