Marriage jokes

Welcome to the Fast Food Divorce Center where yesterday's lies are today's fries.

What’s the worst joke ever? Your parents’ relationship.

My wife told me to treat her like a princess, so I got drunk and drove through the tunnel.

A man comes home, and the wife says, "My ex just died by getting hit by a bus." And the husband said, "I lost my job as a bus driver."

What’s worse than finger banging your sister?

Finding your dad’s wedding ring.

Q: What’s worse than fingerbanging your sister?

A: Finding your dad's wedding ring.

My wife told me I could never, ever build a car out of spaghetti. You should have seen the look on her face when I drove pasta!

Husband: Hey honey, words can’t describe how beautiful you are.

Wife: Aww, thanks.

Husband: But numbers can. 0 out of 10.

My wife told me to contact more of my feminine side.

I crashed the car and fucked my trainer.

If a man and a woman need a marriage license to get married, does a lesbian couple need a liquor license to get married?

My wife treats me like God!

She takes no notice of my existence until she wants something.

A husband came back from a business trip and found out that his wife was pregnant. At first, he got a bit suspicious, but then he just ignored it and hugged his wife with happiness. The second when he met his friend and told him the news, the friend just said, "Wait, what? I thought she was on pills!"

My wife wanted a boob job. I told her it was too expensive.

I told her all she has to do is take some toilet paper and rub it in between her boobs for a few days, and they would get bigger. She asked, "How is that supposed to work?"

I replied, "I don't know how it works, but it did a heck of a job on your ass!"

This site is darker than fingering your sister and finding your dad's wedding ring.

Q: What did the skeleton say when he proposed to his girlfriend?

A: Will you marrow me?

Do you know why orphans can't get married? Because they will never get their parents' blessing.

MOM: Honey, I'm pregnant.

DAD: Hi, Pregnant, I'm Dad.

MOM: No, you're not.

Once upon a time, fraternal twins, brother and sister, with almost 100% equal DNA were separated at birth. At the age of 42, they were married, had 2 sons and 2 daughters. They took an ancestryDNA test, and the results were scientifically sexually shocking.

A man is digging in his garden and finds a gold chest. He goes to tell his wife.

Then he remembers why he was digging in the garden...

"I’m on a hunt for my wife’s murderer, have been for years."

"Oh my God! Your wife’s been murdered?!"

"No no, you misunderstand. I’m still looking for him."