Why did my wife leave me?
I wish I knew.
Marriage Jokes
A husband and a wife have four children. The oldest three are tall with blonde hair. The youngest is short with brown hair. The husband was on his deathbed and said, "Honey, can you be completely honest with me? Is our youngest son mine?" The wife says, "I swear to all that is holy, he is your son." Then the husband died and the wife muttered, "Thank god he didn't ask about the other three."
Wife: I want to deep throat your dick.
Husband: let’s do this.
Wife: April foogjhmgkjgyukgyukfygkutkutkygfku5t!
What do you do when your dishwasher stops working?
Hit your wife harder.
My wife was going to have an abortion and I have cancer.
Ha Ha Ha
I thought it was funny.
There was this man, and he forgot about his wife's birthday. She was very upset and said that her present should come as fast as 1-200 by tomorrow. When she woke up, she saw a present in the bathroom. It was a scale.
I almost secretly married a watermelon, but I cantaloupe.
God made Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve.
Cameron and Pav.
A man was having a dream. He dreamt about a mystical creature that was commonly known as the god of toast.
When the man woke up, he turned to tell his wife about the dream. When he delivers the "toast god" punchline, his wife shrugged as she faced the opposite direction to the man.
The man turned around also and started sobbing as he realised his marriage is in shambles.
Who do you call in times of a marriage crisis?
A prostitute, because your wife fucking sucks.
Why won't cannibals eat divorced women?
Just too bitter.
My wife told me I was immature. I just told her to get out of my pillow fort.
A man comes home and finds his wife in bed with another guy. "What's going on here!?" he exclaims.
The wife replies, "See, I told you he was stupid."
I brought my girlfriend home and introduced her to my family. My kids liked her, but my wife seemed upset.
Two WiFi routers got married. The ceremony was OK, but the reception was amazing.
I once asked a sketchy man at a bar for some relationship advice. He simply replied, "They're all dead hookers once they're in the trunk."
Two antennas got married on a roof. The ceremony was horrible, but the reception was great!
Why did Wi-Fi and the computer get married?
Because they had a connection.
Why has Stephen Hawking stopped playing hide and seek with his wife? Because she keeps using a metal detector.
