A man walks into a bar with his pet octopus and proudly claims the animal can play any musical instrument. The bartender pulls out a guitar from behind the bar and gives it to the octopus, which plays an amazing solo. Just then a Scotsman walks into the bar with a set of bagpipes. The octopus grabs the instrument and wrestles around with it on the ground, flailing about, making a horrible sound. The bartender says, "Hey, looks like he can't play that!" and the octopus says, "Play it? As soon as I get it's pajamas off, I'm gonna fuck it!"
Make Jokes
Yo mama is so poor, she makes her own hand sanitizer.
Stop making jokes about cancer... I might sound like a Karen, but it’s not fair... My mum died of cancer last month, and still I cry nearly every night 🙏🏻
How do you make a peanut laugh? You crack it up!
Just think, when we're getting fucked, we make our own food.
Me telling my parents I'm depressed: my parents, "No, you're just a little stressed and want attention, am I right?" My depression worsening, me: "Yeah, you're totally right mom..." Me in my head making a plan to commit suicide.....
What commitment does a pimp make to each new hoe he turns out?
Answer: He will always be there for her after the break-in period.
Q: What did the DNA say to the other DNA?
A: Do these genes make my butt look fat? 💩
One day I came to my mom and said, "MOM!!! I can make a butterfly!"
Mom: "No you can't..."
Me: *throws butter out the window* Me: "Look I made a butterfly!"
lol this isn't funny but I hope you liked it.
Your kid is so annoying, he makes his Happy Meal cry.
Three vampires walk into a bar. The first one orders a Bloody Mary. The second orders a Bloody Mary. The bartender turns to the third and asks, “A Bloody Mary?”
The vampire shakes his head. “Hot water for me.”
“Hot water?”
“I found a tampon out back and want to make tea.”
Me: Knock, knock. You: Who's there? Me: Music. You: Music who? Answer: A guitar is a violin without a stick.
Why did the number 10 make friends with 0? Because you have $100 dollars.
What do you get when you cross a donkey with an onion?
A piece of ass that makes your eyes water.
What type of sound does your crack make?
Answer: Quack!
How do you make a Tico dance? You put a little boogie in it.
Why do some couples make their status "single" after a small argument? Like, I don't put "orphan" after I get into an argument with my family.
Why do mummies have trouble making friends?
Yo mama is so ugly, she makes the Flash stop dead in his tracks.
I asked my mom if I was adopted. She said no, "Why the fuck would I adopt you?" and I said "I'm gonna kill myself," and she also said, "Make sure you do it right this time."
