Magic jokes
There was a guy I knew who owned a foot-high piano player.
He had found a magic lamp and rubbed it. The genie popped out and gave him one wish.
The guy thinks the genie was a bit deaf, as all he got was a 12" pianist.
How did Harry Potter get down the hill?
Running, JK rolling!
Genie: What are your 3 wishes?
Me: Make every word 4 letters long.
Geni: Wish Gran.
Me: Make every word start with "br".
Genie: Brsh Bran.
Me: Bree: brke brer brrd brnd brth "uh".
Bruh: Bruh bruh.
Bruh: Bruh bruh bruh.
Bruh: Bruh bruh.
What do Stephen Hawking and the Wicked Witch have in common?
If you throw water over them, they both die...
Roses are red, violets are blue, I thought Voldemort was ugly, but then I met you.
What can you do for a magic house?
Make it fly!
What's the difference between a wizard who raises the undead and a sexy vampire?
One is a necromancer and the other is a neck romancer.
There was a news story the other day where a magician disappeared. He was like "At the count of 3 I will disappear aight...Uno, Dos," and he disappeared without a trace.
If I had a genie grant me wishes, I wouldn't wish for a million pounds. I'd just wish that every time I buy something I just have the right amount of money in my pocket at the time.
Stephanie has a magic.
Why doesn't Voldemort have a human nose?
Because his snake bit it off!
My uncle is an alchemist.
He can turn 3 bottles of beer into 4 hours of abuse.
Why do witches wear name tags?
So they know which witch is which!
If a wizard gets robbed by a muggle, has he been muggled?
Everything is now so expensive in Africa that witches don’t serve food in dreams again. Am I lying? Okay, when last did you eat in your dreams?
The Harry Potter fanbase.
Why is Harry Potter an orphan's favorite character?
Because Harry Potter has no parents, so it’s relatable.
So, me and my girlfriend that I just got 7 weeks ago, we’re in class. We had this sub named Mrs. Bellatrix.
We both raised our hands and she called on both of us.
Me: First of all, are we in kindergarten? We can’t be doing 4x4 kinda stuff.
Leah: And also, are you from Harry Potter?
What do you get if you cross a pig and a witch with sand?
A ham sandwich.
Guys, say "I love gape horn" really loud and you will get good luck for 10 years.