Magic jokes
Why do witches wear name tags?
So they know which witch is which!
What's the difference between a wizard who raises the undead and a sexy vampire?
One is a necromancer and the other is a neck romancer.
That awkward moment when you thought the guy was a pretty good magician, and only then realize he simply suffers from leprosy.
Trump and two of his friends are stranded on an island with no internet connection and no way of getting home. As they frantically run around the island trying to get a signal so Trump can call his private helicopter to come and pick them up, Trump’s wig falls off and lands on a magical lamp, from which suddenly appears a genie. As Trump replaces his wig, the genie announces that he will grant each man one wish for freeing him.
The men stop to confer. The first one says he will wish for a plane to rescue him, the second wishes for a boat to rescue him and they tell Trump to wish for a helicopter to rescue him. Trump, being Trump, nods and says yes, but he wasn’t really listening. Then they approach the genie. The first one of Trump’s friends wishes for a plane to rescue him, as agreed. The second one of Trump’s friends wishes for a boat to rescue him, as agreed. Then Trump is left all alone, but instead of wishing for a helicopter to rescue him, as agreed, he says, “Aww, I’m lonely now. I wish both my friends were here with me!”
What did a magic house 🏠 do?
Make someone in a wheelchair.
There was once a Spanish magician. He said, "Uno, dos..." and he disappeared without a tres.
What is mail? Boring.
What is the difference between a human and a tree? A human can walk, and a tree 🌳 cannot walk.
When you mix a wizard, a rabbit, and a songwriter together, you get 24 carrot magic.
What do you call a magic car?
A human.
You're so wonderful that Wonderland booked tickets to meet you!
Comment and join Dumbledore's army in the community to give someone you hate permanent bad luck.
I took a bite of my lunch. “Is that a sand witch?!”
Hey girl, do you like Harry Potter?
Because I want to wingardium leviosa up that skirt, alohamora those legs open, and aqua erupto inside of your leaky cauldron.
A Mexican magician says he will disappear on the count of three. He says, "uno, dos..." and poof! He disappears without a tres.
I like my new... e-a-tree and a tree that is a magic house and a tree tree and a...
How do you start a dance party?
Go into the PTSD ward of an insane asylum and set off fireworks and watch the magic unfold.
A magician walks up to a girl and asks her to feel the rabbit in the magician's hat.
The magician asks the girl to rub the rabbit. The girl notices the rabbit sticks up and drools; the hat was covering the hips.
What do you call a magic car that I can do to help me out for you and I will be doing a great day?
Q: What do you call deaf Magic Johnson?
A: Hearing Aids.