Made jokes

Your mom is so ugly she made a blind kid cry.

I was at a funeral and made a joke. No one laughed, but someone died.

Your sister is so ugly that she made an onion cry.

Once, my father came home and found me in front of a roaring fire.

That made my father very mad, as we didn't have a fireplace.

When you tell your mom that she is bad at jokes, then she tells you, "Well, I made you!"

The only joke my dad ever made was me.

I used to have a phobia of pogo sticks. Those things always made me jump.

An Autistic chef made hamburgers out of donkey meat.

He called them: “ASPERGER’S”

Son: Mom, can I tell you something?

Mom: Yes, of course, honey, what's up?

Son: Ok, you have terrible jokes! They're not even funny!

Mom: Well, I made you.

Yo mama so ugly, she made everybody's face fall off.

Yo mama so fat, when she sat on the iPod...

SHE MADE THE IPAD!!!!!!!

Someone handed me a knife the other day and told me that it was very smart.

I made sure it didn't outsmart me.

I made a pencil with two erasers. It was pointless.

What would the Mandalorian be called if it was made in an aquatic center?

Mandachlorian.

I thought the dryer made my clothes shrink.

Turns out it was the fridge.

What made Adam and Eve's marriage perfect?

He didn't have to hear about all the men she could have married, and she didn't have to hear about his Mom's cooking.

COVID is like fashion...

We started hearing about it in Italy...

Became popular in LA and NYC...

Florida ignored it...

And it was all made in China in the end.

A lesbian couple and a gay couple are going to San Francisco. Who made it first?

The lesbian couple got there lickety-split.

The gay couple was still packing their shit.

Yesterday, I tried to help a little girl by a road stop crying. I asked her where her parents were, and that made her cry harder. So then I asked her where her house was, and she said with tears, "I don't have one." So I got her in my car and drove her to where she said she was living. It was an orphanage.

Three sons left home, went out into the world, and each of them made a lot of money. During a reunion, they discussed the gifts they'd given to their elderly mum.

"I built a big house for our mum," said the first.

"I sent her a Mercedes, with a chauffeur," said the second.

And the third smiled and said, "I think my gift was the best. You know how much mum enjoyed reading the Bible? And you know that her eyes aren't so good anymore? Well, I sent her a remarkable cockatoo that recites the entire Bible, both old and new testaments. It took a priest twelve years to teach him. That cockatoo is the only one in the world that can do it. All mum has to do is name the chapter and verse, and the cockatoo recites it."

A few days later, mum sent out her thankyou letters. She wrote to the first son,

"The house you built is so enormous that I only live in one room. The trouble is, I have to clean the whole house."

To the second son she said, "I'm far too old to travel anymore. I stay at home most of the time, so I've hardly used the Mercedes. In any case, the driver is so rude."

To the third son she wrote "Dearest Freddie. You have the good sense to know what your mum likes. The chicken was delicious!"