Made jokes

A young couple gets banned from church.

There were three couples, one elderly, one middle-aged, and one newlywed, that wanted to join a church. So the minister tells them that in order to be members they must abstain from sex for two whole weeks.

After two weeks, the minister asks the elderly couple if they had abstained. "Yes, no problem!" So the minister welcomes them to the church.

Then he asks the middle-aged couple the same question, "Well, after one week, the husband had to sleep on the couch, but we made it!" So the minister welcomes them to the church.

Then the minister asks the newlywed couple if they had abstained from sex for two weeks.

"We were unable to abstain. On the third day, my wife dropped a can of corn and when she bent over to pick it up, LUST and PASSION overcame me! I took her right there."

"I'm sorry," the minister says, "but you are both banned from this church!"

"We understand," says the husband, "We were banned from the grocery store, too."

Chef: “How did you enjoy your steak, sir?”

Customer: “I asked for it medium rare, but it’s well done!”

Chef: “Why thank you.”

Customer: “You don’t understand, the steak is well done!”

Chef: “Of course it is, I made it.”

Your mom is so ugly she made a blind kid cry.

Your sister is so ugly that she made an onion cry.

Yankee Doodle went to town riding on a pony. He opened up a pasta shop and made some macaroni.

I was at a funeral and made a joke. No one laughed, but someone died.

Once, my father came home and found me in front of a roaring fire.

That made my father very mad, as we didn't have a fireplace.

The only joke my dad ever made was me.

Does money grow on trees? No.

What is money made of? Paper.

What is paper made out of? Trees!

They say mistakes make you stronger. If that were true, then whoever made that nonexistent thing called “women's rights” would have muscles bigger than a white girl.

Once, my father came home and found me in front of a roaring fire.

That made my father very mad, as we didn’t have a fireplace.

The companies that made the hand gel sanitizer must be absolutely rubbing their hands together!

Someone forgot to do half the questions in the history test.

And that's what made him go down in history.

"Orange you glad I made it?"

When you tell your mom that she is bad at jokes, then she tells you, "Well, I made you!"

I used to have a phobia of pogo sticks. Those things always made me jump.

I made an advent calendar for a Jehovah’s Witness.

Behind every door someone tells you to fuck off.

An Autistic chef made hamburgers out of donkey meat.

He called them: “ASPERGER’S”

Me: Mom, stop, you are not funny. You never make jokes.

Mom: I made you.

Son: Mom, can I tell you something?

Mom: Yes, of course, honey, what's up?

Son: Ok, you have terrible jokes! They're not even funny!

Mom: Well, I made you.