Luck jokes
Why did the African win the food eating contest?
Beginner's luck.
Two men were talking about their wives. The first man says, "My wife is an angel." The second man says, "You're lucky, mine's still alive."
Why are orphans so bad at poker?
They don’t know what a full house looks like.
Orphan joke protest! Orphans are nice and kind, so stop joking about them!
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Good luck, Jake.
Better Friday the 13th than any Monday.
What is it called when a depressed person gets a stroke?
A stroke of luck :)
I don't have luck with other angels. So I just WING IT!
Maybe Leo actually isn’t stupid... maybe she just has bad luck with thinking!
The number 13? Not on my watch!
You got a black cat.
He was bad luck.
Everyone left you and you committed suicide.
What a CATastrophe!
Why don’t rappers play hide and seek?
Because good luck finding someone who’s always in the booth!
My mom gave my friend a blow job for good luck on his job interview, then my mom gave my other friend a blow job for his interview, and they both got the job. Now who needs good luck? Just ask my mom. My mom is a good luck charm.
I won the lottery for a million dollars today, so I decided to donate a quarter of it to charity.
I now have $999,999.75.
Rachel won the lottery twice in two years. Her friend Jim called her every day asking for tips on winning, just the same. Then one day, simply to get rid of him, Rachel said, "Watch two martial arts movies, eat three pieces of hard beef jerky, and pick a fight at a bar."
Jim replied with a shocked look, "That's what I do after Mr. Tugman shakes my hand too long."
What did the mouse 🐭 say when his friend broke their teeth?
Hard cheese! 🧀😂
A homeless man sees a woman about to jump off a bridge.
A homeless man is walking along a road and comes across a bridge. On the bridge is a woman standing on the railing, clearly about to jump. He approaches the woman.
"Hey lady, are you about to jump?"
"Back off! If you come any closer, I'll do it!" she replies.
"Well, that's fine," he says, "but before you do, can I ask a favor? I'm pretty down on my luck, and it's been a long time since I've felt the touch of a woman, so if it's all the same to you, would you have sex with me first?"
"Eww no, fuck off you creep!" the woman shouts back.
"Fine," the man says. "I'll just go wait at the bottom."
Playing Russian roulette alone means you're bound to be a winner eventually.
This morning, I was having a conversation with my ex-boyfriend about reincarnation. I said to him, "If you could come back in the next life as anything, what would you come back as?" He thought about it for a minute and says, "A tree. That way, everybody can look at me and admire me."
Then he says the same thing to me. I started thinking about it when these two sexy, half-naked studs walked by. One was a jock, the other on his bicycle. I know I said I want to come back as a jockstrap or a bicycle seat, but knowing my luck, I'll come back as a tampon.
Why did Susie fall off the swing? Because she had no arms.
Why could she not get back up? Because she had no friends.
Knock knock? Who's there? Not Susie...
Got kidnapped in Iran. Luckily, I ran.