Luck jokes
A homeless man sees a woman about to jump off a bridge.
A homeless man is walking along a road and comes across a bridge. On the bridge is a woman standing on the railing, clearly about to jump. He approaches the woman.
"Hey lady, are you about to jump?"
"Back off! If you come any closer, I'll do it!" she replies.
"Well, that's fine," he says, "but before you do, can I ask a favor? I'm pretty down on my luck, and it's been a long time since I've felt the touch of a woman, so if it's all the same to you, would you have sex with me first?"
"Eww no, fuck off you creep!" the woman shouts back.
"Fine," the man says. "I'll just go wait at the bottom."
What did the mouse 馃惌 say when his friend broke their teeth?
Hard cheese! 馃馃槀
"Luck of the Irish my ass, I just blew a tranny and an engine in my truck both in the same week... Boy it really ruined my day when they found out about each other."
A blonde was down on her luck. In order to raise some money, she decided to kidnap a kid and hold him for ransom.
She went to the playground, grabbed a kid, took him behind a tree, and told him, "I've kidnapped you."
She then wrote a note saying, "I've kidnapped your kid. Tomorrow morning, put $10,000 in a paper bag and put it under the pecan tree next to the slide on the north side of the playground. Signed, Blonde."
The blonde then taped the note to the kid's shirt and sent him home to show it to his parents.
The next morning the blonde checked, and sure enough, a paper bag was sitting beneath the pecan tree. The blonde opened the bag and found the $10,000 with a note that said, "How could you do this to a fellow Blonde?"
What is gay - curious 馃 馃槼
馃懍 馃懍 a gay man that is curious about experiencing sex with a 馃懆 馃懇 馃懆 bisexual man.
馃懆 馃懆 馃懇 馃毑 馃毑 馃毑 does it cycle now?
馃毑 馃毑 馃毑
馃槩 馃様 sorry for your luck 馃嵂 honey it sucks 馃槳 馃槥 馃槖 to be you.
Truly are
Why did Susie fall off the swing? Because she had no arms.
Why could she not get back up? Because she had no friends.
Knock knock? Who's there? Not Susie...
I must have at least 87 years of bad luck; every time I look in the mirror, it breaks!
You guys asked for a joke? Well, you're in luck, because you already are one!
The number 13? Not on my watch!
What if you put a scared homosexual guy and an angry homophobic guy inside a stable?
Hmm, let's see, if the homosexual guy has some good luck, maybe he will meet a super unicorn and help him out to defeat the angry homophobic guy :D
He never has a bad day because he wakes up on both sides of the bed.
So I ran into a woman the other day who says her vaginas is like a lottery ticket. She said it's because you have to be lucky to hit it... I thought it's because she was always scratching it.
I saw a tree. I looked up, and there was an apple hanging. And then I said, "Wow, that guy is lucky!"
I woke up in my bed today.
I was in the corner shop and the Indian woman was sporting a red dot on her forehead. I scratched it off and won a fucking Ford Focus!
Little Johnny said to his mate, "I bet I can make you swear." His mate said, "Good luck." So Johnny told his mate that he slept with his sister. His mate yelled, "I'm gonna fucking kill you!"
Why don't rappers ever play hide-and-seek?
Because good luck hiding when your name's always dropping!
Comment and join Dumbledore's army in the community to give someone you hate permanent bad luck.
A Russian walked into a bar... Unlucky for him I guess, in Soviet Russia, you don鈥檛 walk into bars. Bars walk into you.
Hey guys, wish me luck on my game Al-Nassr vs. Raed Al-Raed. I have 604 million followers on Instagram, but we are not gonna be able to beat that. Can we get to 69 followers, please and thankyou?