Luck jokes

I have no problem getting dates online. I’ve also had luck with almonds, cashews, and walnuts.

Break a wine glass: I give you bad luck for a year.

Break a mirror: Funny wine glass, I give you bad luck for 7 years.

Breaking a condom: Haha so funny mirror.

"Luck of the Irish my ass, I just blew a tranny and an engine in my truck both in the same week... Boy it really ruined my day when they found out about each other."

The mirror says: "If you break me, you will have 3 years of bad luck."

The Magic Jewel says: "If you break me, you will have 10 years of bad luck."

The condom just sitting there laughing.

I saw a tree. I looked up, and there was an apple hanging. And then I said, "Wow, that guy is lucky!"

Guys, say "I love gape horn" really loud and you will get good luck for 10 years.

Why are orphans so bad at poker?

They don’t know what a full house looks like.

Quote of the day: It's never too late to be what you wished you were.

Hope y'all are having a great day! I just got back from a volleyball tournament that I had to be up at 5 AM for! We played three games and won the last one. We advanced and are playing a few more tomorrow. Wish me and my team good luck!

You got a black cat.

He was bad luck.

Everyone left you and you committed suicide.

What a CATastrophe!

Papyrus: Well come to the underground.

Sans: How was your falls?

Papyrus: G-g-good luck eve-ever ge-getting o-out.

Sans: Give me your balls!

Why are orphans lucky?

Because they can get in trouble and nobody can tell their parents.

He never has a bad day because he wakes up on both sides of the bed.

Better Friday the 13th than any Monday.

Girls are like blackjack.

I always want 21 but end up hitting on 14.

Playing Russian roulette alone means you're bound to be a winner eventually.

Sometimes I just wake up in the morning and think, "Damn, better luck next time!"

What did the mouse 🐭 say when his friend broke their teeth?

Hard cheese! 🧀😂

A man is standing on the side of the road, waiting to cross, when another man stands alongside him. The first man says, "I have been waiting to cross here for ages. It's impossible to cross."

The second man says, "There is a zebra crossing up the road." He said, "I hope he is having better luck than I am!"

Why did the African win the food eating contest?

Beginner's luck.

A homeless man sees a woman about to jump off a bridge.

A homeless man is walking along a road and comes across a bridge. On the bridge is a woman standing on the railing, clearly about to jump. He approaches the woman.

"Hey lady, are you about to jump?"

"Back off! If you come any closer, I'll do it!" she replies.

"Well, that's fine," he says, "but before you do, can I ask a favor? I'm pretty down on my luck, and it's been a long time since I've felt the touch of a woman, so if it's all the same to you, would you have sex with me first?"

"Eww no, fuck off you creep!" the woman shouts back.

"Fine," the man says. "I'll just go wait at the bottom."