Luck Jokes

A Catholic Priest and a Rabbi were chatting one day when the conversation turned to a discussion of job descriptions and promotion "What do you have to look forward to in way of a promotion in your job?" asked the Rabbi.

"Well, I'm next in line for the Monsignor's job." replied the Priest.

"Yes, and then what?" asked the Rabbi.

"Well, next I can become Bishop." said the Priest.

"Yes, and then?" asked the Rabbi.

"If I work real hard and do a good job as Bishop, it's possible for me to become an Archbishop." said the Priest.

"O.K., then what?" asked the Rabbi.

The Priest, beginning to get a bit exasperated replied, "With some luck and real hard work, maybe I can become a Cardinal."

"And then?" asked the Rabbi.

The Priest is really starting to get mad now and replies, "With lots and lots of luck and some real difficult work and if I'm in the right places at the right times and play my political games just right, maybe, just maybe, I can get elected Pope."

"Yes, and then what?" asked the Rabbi.

"Good grief!" shouted the Priest. "What do you expect me to become, GOD?"

"Well," said the Rabbi, "One of our boys made it!"

My family is lucky I was born so smart, every time my Dad is struggling at work, he always turns to me when he needs to get ahead.

Like This For Good Luck!

What is it called when a depressed person gets a stroke? A stroke of luck :)

Comments and join dumbledore's army in the community to give someone you hate permanent bad luck

Like this post to give someone you hate bad luck.

Why did the African win the food eating contest. Begginers luck.

So the teacher goes up to you and says, "I'm going to call your parents." Me: "Good luck finding them."

No joke. I just want to say that my thoughts are with the Ukrainian people and i wish them the best. Best of luck.

Why are orphans lucky? Because they can get in trouble and nobody can tell there parents.

life is karma... because I was born god gifted me with socially awkwardness, $#!t athletic skills, and stupidity

I have no problem getting dates online. I’ve also had luck with almonds, cashews, and walnuts.

I've got an impressive record at Russian roulette, retired after one loss ever.

So I ran into a woman the other day who says her vaginas is like a lottery ticket. She said it's because you have to be lucky to hit it... I thought it's because she was always scratching it.

why there is a 76 button on a bottle of ketchup?

to bring sweet luck

Why are orphans lucky because when they drive they don’t need a license plate because they don’t have a home

Guys say “I love gape horn” really loud and you will get good luck for 10 yesrs

Don't Touch My Truck-By: Breland and Sam Hunt

You can drink my liquor You can call my lady You can take my money You can smoke my blunt Scuff these Jordans You can say you hate me You can call me crazy, but Don't touch my truck (skrrt, skrrt) Skrrt (yeah, yeah) Skrrt Don't touch my truck (brrp, yeah) Skrrt (woo-oh) Skrrt Don't touch my V8 engine with the windows tinted Boy, we came from the bottom, got it out the mud Whole block jumpin' 'cause the subs stay hittin' If they roll up on me, know I keep one tucked (ooh, yeah) Woo Tell them boys come and get me I be ridin' through the city Young, rich and I'm pretty Homie, don't get it twisted Keep a semi in the hemi (oh) Red cup full of Henny My hitters come in plenties, for real You can drink my liquor You can call my lady You can take my money You can smoke my blunt Scuff these Jordans You can say you hate me You can call me crazy, but Don't touch my truck (skrrt, skrrt) Skrrt (yeah, yeah) Skrrt Don't touch my truck (brrp, yeah) Skrrt (woo-oh) Skrrt Don't touch my Wood grain dash with the matte black finish And it match my shawty with the big ol' butt Know them boys soft 'cause they got hard feelings You can try me if you wanna go and test your luck (woo) Tell them boys come and get me (get me) I be ridin' through the city Young, rich and I'm pretty (yeah) Homie, don't get it twisted (yeah) Keep a semi in the hemi (in the hemi) Red cup full of Henny (yeah, we drinking) My hitters come in plenties, for real You can drink my liquor You can call my lady You can take my money You can smoke my blunt Scuff these Jordans You can say you hate me You can call me crazy, but Don't touch my truck Skrrt Skrrt Don't touch my truck Skrrt Skrrt Don't touch my Woo, ooh, woo, ooh, woo, ooh Don't touch my truck (woo, ooh) Don't touch my truck

The mirror says: if you break me, you will have 3 years of bad luck.

The Magic Jewel says: if you break me, you will have 10 years of bad luck.

The condom just sitting there laughing.

I must have at least 87 years of bad luck, every time I look in the mirror, it breaks!