Love jokes
My bank loves me. They told me my credit card balance is outstanding.
My forehead so big,
big like Biggie Smalls. I love cock, please bum my hole.
Hi.
Genie: You cannot wish for more wishes, immortality, or love.
Man: I wish not to die a virgin.
Genie: I just said no wishing for immortality!
I love birthdays 🍰
"Do you believe in love at first sight, or should I walk by again?"
What do you call a man who loves Adidas and Puma and drives a Volkswagen? Potential Nazi.
Why do emos love jumping in water?
Because it involves a rope.
Why do orphans like playing tennis so much?
Because it’s the only way they’ll ever get love.
My friend loves playing Roulette, so I figured I would introduce him to Russian Roulette. Blew his mind.
What do Ellen DeGeneres and homeless people have in common?
They don’t cook because they love eating out.
"Herishy, me lava u, why did u leave mee? Wahh wahh baby sharka, doodle do to to babyyy cutie pie..."
At the funeral of a family friend, I was chatting to June, an elderly lady I hadn’t seen since I was a teenager. I was thrilled when she told me what a beautiful young woman I’d become. On the journey home, I remarked to my mother how lovely it had been to see June again. “Yes, it’s such a shame that she’s gone blind,” she said sadly.
Someone: "I WANNA BE THE SUN OF YOUR LIFE!"
Me: Then stay at 1,000,000 km of me.
Why do orphans love boomerangs?
Because they always return.
What is an orphan's favorite time with his family?
"Me time."
Man, I don’t need Viagra when I see Mara!
Who loves walnut? Wallace!
Why do cannibals love sex? They can make their own food.
An ugly man with a gun walks into a bar. He sees a woman and falls in love with her.
Man: "Hey, cute lady!"
Woman: "Leave me alone, you ugly two-faced man! I already have a boyfriend."
Man: "Not for long!"
And then the man shoots the woman's boyfriend.
Woman: "How dare you murder such a beautiful man!"
Man: "Now you shall be my girlfriend."
Woman: "Never."
And then the man takes the seat that the woman's boyfriend was sitting in before.
Man: "You look like a dream."
Woman: "Then open up your ugly eyes and stop sleeping, murder."
Man: "What's it like being the most beautiful girl in the world, compared to all those ugly women? Bleuch!"
Woman: "What's it like being the ugliest mother f***ing murder in the world, compared to all those beautiful men?"
And then the man orders flowers and candy.
Bartender: "We don't serve flowers, or candy."
And the man shoots the bartender.
Another man can't believe what he just saw, so he strangles the first man and throws him out.
What do you call an orphan in a room full of mirrors? Surrounded by loved ones.