Loss jokes
Q: Why do orphans like boomerangs?
A: They come back, unlike their parents.
Boy and girl playing hide and seek... girl: "I found you." Boy: "What gave me away?" Girl: "Ur parents obviously."
The next time you get a sack call, pick up the phone and say, "Welcome to Pete's pizzeria and abortion clinic. Your loss is next week's sauce. How may we help you?"
You know why orphans like boomerangs?
Because they come back, unlike their parents.
I've looked everywhere... I just can't seem to find where I left my will to live.
After my wife died, I couldn't even look at another woman for 10 years.
But now that I'm out of jail, I can honestly say it was worth it!
Why do orphans have dry cereal?
Because they're still waiting on the milk.
If someone calls you, reply with this: “Hi, this is Dave’s orphanage and pizzeria, where yesterday’s loss is today’s sauce! How may I assist you today?”
In 2013, it was reported that China has lost around 28,000 rivers; over half of what they thought existed. Some say climate change is the cause, others say it’s their harsh, economic expansion that’s unapologetic to the environment.
My theory is that those 28,000 rivers were sold to underground river-sex trafficking.
My friend committed suicide yesterday... At least he went out with a bang.
What is an orphan's favorite toy? A mom and dad action figure.
If Jeffy goes to an orphanage, he will die. How is he supposed to move?
Me: "You wanna see my dad?"
Some kid: "Yeah?"
Me: "Close your eyes and he will appear."
Some kid: "He ain't appearing."
Me: "Sorry I thought he would appear for you. He won't appear for me."
*The kid laughs*
Moral: Not everything is supposed to be funny text if you notice what was really going on. 🙃
Kid: Dad, what's an orphan?
Dad:
I was at a funeral for some kids in a school shooting. I don’t understand why everyone was so sad, so I asked a lady, "what’s so sad?" and she said, "What do you think was running through these kid’s head before they died?" I replied, "probably a bullet." She gasped and said, "do you have any idea how insensitive that is? What do you think is running through their parent’s heads?" I said "probably all the money they're losing from this funeral."
Teacher: I used to be an orphan once.
Student: OOFT.
Teacher: Who are we missing?
Student: Your parents.
Why did the orphan call her boyfriend "daddy"?
Because she wanted that D.
Q: How to hit an orphan?
A: Hit them with a family tree.
Orphans go to church to call someone father.
My friend died by a truck, why can't I get run over?