A Scouser at ground zero just after the twin towers fell asks a passer-by, "What time is it, mate?"
An American replies, "That's a mad accent, where are you from?"
The Scouser says, "Liverpool."
The American says, "Oh, what state is that in?"
The Scouser looks around and says, "About the same state as this, mate, but what time is it?"
girl ... you are so ugly that when you look in the mirror it shattered : more than your relationship.
Teacher: Okay class, look at the person to the right of you and describe them with one word.
Me: *looks to the right of me and sees the pick-me girl* "Penny."
Teacher: *shocked* How is she a penny?
Me: 'Cause she's two-faced, flat, and always in someone's pants. Not to mention worth practically nothing.
Why do I look nervous when I enter the church? Is it just because I'm the only one with the bomb?
Me: Looks like a girl, sure as h3ll I don't sound like one.
Michael Jackson: Looks like a boy, sure as h3ll don't sound like one.
That [is] what we have i[n] commen, but if you mix up my gender I won't give a F about it. Michael Jackson not so much : )
You're so bald, when you wear a turtleneck, you look like one!
You're so bald, that when you wear a poncho, you look like a broken condom
You're so bald, when you wear a turtleneck, you look like roll-on deodorant!
You want an insult? Right, look at the mirror
Your hairline is like a math expression, there is no solution.
Yo mama's so ugly, she looked out the window and was arrested for mooning
Yo mama's armpits are so hairy, it looks like she's got Buckwheat in a headlock.
Why is your forehead so shiny? Did somebody laminate you? You're so shiny, Mulan can look into your forehead and sing "Reflection."
A priest and a rabbi were hanging out at a playground. The priest waves to a kid to come over and tells the rabbi, "Let's screw this kid."
The rabbi looks confused and asks, "Out of what?"
During Halloween, my friend went as a skeleton.
He refused to go into the haunted house. Looks like he was SPINE-LESS.
"Hey, look, that plane is getting bigge-"
A Catholic priest finds a young boy crying at the top of a cliff.
“What’s wrong? Why are you crying?”
The boy points down. “Mummy and Daddy were in the car and it went over the edge.”
The priest can see the flaming wreck below. He looks around and sees no one else is about and starts to unbutton his belt.
“It’s really not your day, is it?”
Ok, so I have a joke for you, go look in the mirror and when you realize, come back to me and tell me.
I know this girl, Kamelah. She say, "What are you looking at?" I said, "I’m just tryna figure out why it look like Santa stole your hairline."
EDP445 is a cupcake. Look it up.
