Living jokes
Kenny is living with his girlfriend now.
He just moved back in with his mom.
An innocent boy is reading through his father’s phone, looking at the messages and trying to learn things about his family from them. He saw a message asking for something which seemed strange, but ultimately the boy decided to surprise his father with what it said.
“Timmy, why are there thirty-five cats in the living room?” shouted the father.
“I was only supplying what you wanted from Mother!” replied the boy.
There is a thin line between death and life!
You won't live to see it.....
The Cardiogram will!!
Penalties. Tap ins. Ghosting. Diving.
Long ago, the four lived together in harmony. Then, everything changed when the Germans attacked. Only Penaldo, master of all four elements, could stop them, but when his country needed him most, he vanished.
You know what the difference between Kobe Bryant and Russell Westbrook is?
He wears 0 and Kobe has 0 lives left.
Where do poor Italians live?
The spaghetto.
Your wife dumped you because you are so poor and you are so ugly. You also live under a rock and have no money. You got dumped so hard you can't remember you got dumped.
Your momma's so fat she started "Fat Lives Matter". Meetings are everyday:
11 o'clock McDonald's, 12 o'clock KFC, 1 o'clock Pizza Hut.
What do you call an orphan living with ghosts?
"Him and his dead family." :(
Why are most school shooters mostly white?
Because Black lives MATTER.
What does a Foreigner say when he comes to America?
"You're as cold as I.C.E. You're willing to sacrifice brown lives..."
In Saudi Arabia, there lived a man named Abdul.
Abdul rhymes with Azul, the Spanish word for blue.
And he probably be lookin' more blue than me.
What do the Flintstones and the building next to the Twin Towers have in common? They both live next to the rubble.
One day every kid at the orphanage got coal for Christmas. It was the second worst day of their lives.
When you fall asleep on the couch and wake up in your bed.
But you know you live alone.
I have a fish that can break dance. Only for about 20 seconds, and only once.
I went to a tall girl and I asked her, "What do you do for a living?" She says, "An account." So I reply with, "An accounting the hairs on people's heads," and then I run away.
Are you a gun because I want to live with you?
Superman and Flash were in the living room pounding back a few beers. Flash says to Superman, "I bet you can fly into Wonder Woman's bedroom and get the best pussy of your life." So he does it. When he goes back to Flash, Superman says, "Man, that was great, but my ass kinda burns."
Why do orphans live on buses?
They never have a home to stop at.