Line jokes
I called the rape advice line last night. Turns out it's just for victims.
Someone asked me what the lines on my wrist were from. I answered, "My cat has OCD."
I snorted a line of coke off my 8-year-old sister’s tiny prepubescent vag. She just laid there and let me do it without complaining, probably because she was already dead.
Are you a playground? Because I want to put my kids in you.
Why can North Korea draw a straight line? Because they've got a supreme ruler.
What is George Floyd's pickup line?
You are breathtaking.
Are you a race car?
Cuz I’m tryna fuck.
When I saw your hairline, I thought you worked at McDonald’s.
Why can’t a gay person walk a trail? Because a gay person can’t walk on a straight line.
You twin towers because I'm tryna ram in you tonight.
They say that bad things happen to good people.
So if you get run over by a car just know you're a good person.
Why was the emo kicked out of the Carnival? Because he was cutting in line.
What do you do if your online friend wants to commit suicide? You can't do anything, he's already on line.
What do maths and 9/11 have in common?
They both prove two parallel lines can be intercepted by a plane.
Girl playing outside: "Step on a line and you break your mommy's spine." She then steps on a line and her mother keels over screaming.
Girl playing outside: "Step on a crack and you break daddy's back." She steps on a crack the mailman next door then keels over screaming.
The husband starts celebrating, gets in the car, and starts to drive away.
The son comes outside and steps on a crack.
The dad then dies in a car crash.
I wouldn't call a Suicide Help-line even if my life depended on it.
How many line cooks does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Three. One to do it, and two to say that they did it better at the previous restaurant they were at.
There are 206 bones in my body.
When I look at you, it becomes 207.
Nah, did your barber catch a seizure while lining you up?
(Best pick-up line ever). Your body is like 9/11. I wanna crash into your twin towers. 😏