Like jokes

My German girlfriend likes to rate our sex between 1-10.

Last night we tried anal, she kept shouting "9"!

That’s the best I’ve done so far.

Remember that you're unique, just like everyone else.

One day, little Johnny and little Susan were in bible class. Little Susan had been tired that day, so she kept falling asleep. The teacher said to little Susan, "Who is our Lord and Savior?" Little Johnny poked her in the butt with a push pin, and she yelled, "Jesus Christ!" The teacher goes, "That's right, go back to bed." Then, the next thing the teacher asked was, "Who gave up their son for our sins?" Little Johnny poked her again, and she yelled, "God Almighty!" The teacher says, "That's right, go back to bed." The next question the teacher asked was, "What did Adam say to Eve after their 13th child?" Little Johnny poked her in the butt again. She yelled, "If you stick that thing in me again, I am going to break it in half and shove it up your own ass and see how you like it!"

I want to die in my sleep, like grandpa did, not screaming and crying like the people on the bus he drove.

Grocery stores are like IKEA: you have to assemble the food yourself.

Rubbing everywhere but not the clit and asking, "Do you like that?"

(dude wtf)

Hey, the biggest distraction will never be my tattoos in this facility if you understand what I am saying.

But in all seriousness, welcome to the biggest frat party taking place near the ocean. I am most likely going to tell my family this or maybe not, depending what's going down. I am very adaptive through different circumstances.

When I hit a home run, I finally felt what it was like to have a home.

I don’t like to tell school shooter jokes because they are usually aimed at a younger audience.

What does a peeing pterodactyl sound like?

Nothing, the pee is silent.

My wife accused me of cheating. I told her she started to sound like my wife.

I wrote puns on a piece of paper like this:

P. P. P. P. U. U. U. U. N. N. N. N. S. S. S. S.

Then I showed them to my teacher, asking him what they had in common.

“They are all very tearable,” he replied.

Well, there is one person who gets it!

Rape jokes aren’t funny. People like me that are actually victims of rape are triggered by them.

My dad is like my depression, you need a suicide letter to find him.

Other girls be like, "I want a 6ft guy", meanwhile I want to be 6ft under. 😃👍

Why did the banana like the movie?

Because it was apeeling.

How do we get a butt? God made us like that, and we can't change it. If you wanted to, you have to die <:

My life is like a broken pencil, it's pointless.

What does a bullied kid say during a game of Kahoot?

"I'd like to Kahoot up this school."

True Story of Little Red Riding Hood.

The big bad wolf told Red Riding Hood to strip. He looked at her pussy and said, "Now I will fuck you!"

Red pulled out a shotgun from under her coat and said, "Oh no you're not. You're not, you're going to eat me just like it says in the book!"