Light jokes

Roses are red, Violets are blue, Your smile's warmth, Lights up my view.

Attended my boss's funeral to pay my respects. On my way out, I leaned over his casket and whispered lightly, "Well, look who's thinking outside the box now."

How do you make a cat say woof? You cover it in petrol and light a match.

What's the fastest way to stop an argument between a bunch of deaf people?

Just switch off the lights.

Monkeys are big, but they sure can swing very lightly.

Today I'm attaching a light to the ceiling, but I'm afraid I'll probably screw it up.

Why are Elmo’s jealous of lights?

Lights are hanging.

How many Senators fans does it take to change a light bulb?

All 3 of them.

Hockey for life!

If you think vanilla and chocolate ice cream is just light and dark mode.

I'd make a joke about epilepsy, but the computer started flashing.

Q: What did the stop light say to the other stop light?

A: Stop looking, I’m changing!

How many emos does it take to fix a light?

I don't know because they never came down.

If I don't get a bf by the end of this month, Christmas lights won't be the only thing hanging from the roof.

Where did little billy go when he was stuck in a minefield... everywhere.

That joke was pretty dark, but it got pretty light for a second.

What lights up a soccer stadium? A soccer match.

Q: How heavy is a photon?

A: It's light!

What do you find at the end of a rainbow?

Answer: W.

So, a mom and a dad take their son to a therapist.

“What seems to be the problem?” the therapist asked.

“Our son thinks he’s a refrigerator!” they said.

So the therapist replies, “Oh dear, that must be a problem.”

“Yeah, he sleeps with his mouth open, and the light is really bright.”

Once there was this kid that wanted to shower with his dad, so his dad said yes. Then he asked, "What is that?" and his dad said it's a chow chow train.

The next day, he wanted to shower with his mom, so she said yes. He asked again, "What is that?" and she said it was a tunnel with light.

The same day, he wanted to sleep with them, and they said yes.

In the middle of the night, he woke up and told his mom to turn on the light because the chow chow train is going in.

Kid's uncle: "Your mum said you can have your friends round tonight! But I'm gonna have to baby sit today."

Kid: "OK THANK YOU."

(AT BED TIME)

Kid: "Please may you stop touching my leg BEN!"

Ben: "I'm not."

(Turns light on) Kid: "UNCLEEEEE STOP SPILLING MILK OVER ME!!!"