Light jokes
Q: What did the stop light say to the other stop light?
A: Stop looking, I’m changing!
If you think vanilla and chocolate ice cream is just light and dark mode.
Where did little billy go when he was stuck in a minefield... everywhere.
That joke was pretty dark, but it got pretty light for a second.
How many Senators fans does it take to change a light bulb?
All 3 of them.
Hockey for life!
How many emos does it take to fix a light?
I don't know because they never came down.
What lights up a soccer stadium? A soccer match.
Q: How heavy is a photon?
A: It's light!
Attended my boss's funeral to pay my respects. On my way out, I leaned over his casket and whispered lightly, "Well, look who's thinking outside the box now."
Roses are red, Violets are blue, Your smile's warmth, Lights up my view.
Monkeys are big, but they sure can swing very lightly.
How do you make a cat say woof? You cover it in petrol and light a match.
Why are Elmo’s jealous of lights?
Lights are hanging.
What's the fastest way to stop an argument between a bunch of deaf people?
Just switch off the lights.
What do you find at the end of a rainbow?
Answer: W.
Today I'm attaching a light to the ceiling, but I'm afraid I'll probably screw it up.
How many brewers does it take to change a light bulb?
About one third less than for a regular bulb.
So, a mom and a dad take their son to a therapist.
“What seems to be the problem?” the therapist asked.
“Our son thinks he’s a refrigerator!” they said.
So the therapist replies, “Oh dear, that must be a problem.”
“Yeah, he sleeps with his mouth open, and the light is really bright.”
These people who are offended by rape jokes don’t even understand humor. They think of humor as like a happy thing because humor makes us laugh and laughter makes us happy, but most of the jokes that we laugh at are filled with pain and suffering. If I take a joke like, how many police officers does it take to change a light bulb? None, they just beat the room for being black. Now that joke isn’t making light of the fact that people have marched in the civil rights movement and people have been racially discriminated against. It’s not making light of those, what it’s doing is it’s taking that pain and suffering and making you transcend it for a moment, and showing the absurdity of the human mind, and that is important. Humor at its best takes the bad things in this world that are painful and hard to deal with and makes it something funny.
And before you go in the comments and say I agree with rape, I don’t. I hope everybody who rapes someone to have their dick cut off. My little sister got fucking raped when she was six, and the guy is lucky he got caught by the police and not me, cause if I caught I would have fucking killed him, so I don’t agree with rape, but I still think rape jokes should still not be taken so seriously!
Once there was this kid that wanted to shower with his dad, so his dad said yes. Then he asked, "What is that?" and his dad said it's a chow chow train.
The next day, he wanted to shower with his mom, so she said yes. He asked again, "What is that?" and she said it was a tunnel with light.
The same day, he wanted to sleep with them, and they said yes.
In the middle of the night, he woke up and told his mom to turn on the light because the chow chow train is going in.
Kid's uncle: "Your mum said you can have your friends round tonight! But I'm gonna have to baby sit today."
Kid: "OK THANK YOU."
(AT BED TIME)
Kid: "Please may you stop touching my leg BEN!"
Ben: "I'm not."
(Turns light on) Kid: "UNCLEEEEE STOP SPILLING MILK OVER ME!!!"