Light Jokes

If iI don't get a bf by the end of this month, Christmas lights wont be the only thing hanging from the roof

how do you make a cat say woof? you cover it in petrol and light a match.

This joke includes potentially sensitive content.

Everytime a Light Saber goes off, it's just a Jedi Master getting hard over a kid. Lol

Q: What did the stop light say to the other stop light

A: Stop looking, I’m changing

Q: How heavy is a photon

A: it's light!

Why are Elmo’s jealous of lights?

Lights are hanging.

How many emo’s dose it take to fix a light Idk bc they never came down

If you just think vanilla and chocolate ice cream is just light and dark mode

where did little billy go when he was stuck in a minefield... everywhere. that joke was pretty dark but it got pretty light for a second

Today I’m attaching a light to the ceiling, but I’m afraid I’ll probably screw it up.

So a mom and a dad take their son to a therapist. “What seems to be the problem?” The therapist asked. “Our son thinks he’s a refrigerator!” They said. So the therapist replies, “oh dear, that must be a problem.” “Yeah, he sleeps with his mouth open and the light is really bright.”

This joke includes potentially sensitive content.

once there was this kid that wanted to shower with his dad so his dad said yes then he ask what is that and his dad said it a chow chow train the next day he wanted to shower with his mom so she said yes he ask again what is that and she said it was a tunnel with light the same day he wanted to sleep with them and they said yes in the middle of the night he woke up and told his mom to turn on the light because the chow chow train is going in

Kids uncle " your mum said you can have your friends round tonight ! But imma have to baby sit today" . Kid "OK THANK YOU". (AT BED TIME ) Kid " Please may u stop touching my leg BEN!" Ben "im not " (turns light on ) Kid " UCLEEEEE STOP SPILLING MILK OVER ME !!!"

why is the sun so attractive? because it is burning hot!

A man was walking down the street when he was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless man who asked him for a couple of dollars for dinner.

The man took out his wallet, extracted ten dollars and asked, "If I give you this money, will you buy some beer with it instead of dinner?"

"No, I had to stop drinking years ago," the homeless man replied.

"Will you use it to go fishing instead of buying food?" the man asked.

"No, I don't waste time fishing," the homeless man said. "I spend all my time trying to stay alive."

"Will you spend this on green fees at a golf course instead of food?" the man asked.

"Are you NUTS!" replied the homeless man. "I haven't played golf in 20 years!"

"Will you spend the money on a woman in the red light district instead of food?" the man asked.

"What disease would I get for ten lousy bucks?" exclaimed the homeless man.

"Well," said the man, "I'm not going to give you the money. Instead, I'm going to take you home for a terrific dinner cooked by my wife."

The homeless man was astounded. "Won't your wife be furious with you for doing that? I know I'm dirty and I probably smell pretty disgusting."

The man replied, "That's okay. It's important for her to see what a man looks like after he has given up beer, fishing, golf and sex."