Life

Life jokes

Bus

Today was the worst day of my life. My ex got hit by a bus, and I lost my job as a bus driver.

Jesus

They say we will have eternal life when Jesus is no longer coming.

Orphan

Teacher: I’m gonna call your parents.

Orphan: Go on, see if they pick up.

Orphan

I walked past an orphanage, the orphans started to call me names, and I said, "At least I have a family!"

Bus

Everyone always has a special person in their life someday, but I think yours got ran over by a bus.

Memes

Cow

Me when I know its my last day of being a cow and I already hate my life

A close-up photo of a brown and white cow with a wide smile, standing in a grassy field against a clear blue sky.

Death

When I die I want to have a piece of paper near me giving a clue on how I died, like, "I want everyone to miss me except for this bullet," or, "You didn't hang with me but guess what did?"

Friend

One of my friends named Jill had a drug overdose.

She didn’t have any of that drug after that. For the rest of her life, she acted very high. When she died, it was because of natural causes, not the drug. So this proves that a lethal dose is also a life time supply.

Name

Hey Jorden Calerendiá, your last name sounds like a sea food shop that I get my fish from.

Your roasting is trash just like you. Boy, stop roasting on Addison and Gwen and others; you're probably 5 years old trying to dislike that. That roasting is like from 1920, get a life.

Baby

Why can't you fool an aborted baby? Because it was not born yesterday.

Computer

A computer is like a living organism. Its charger is its life support. If you "pull the plug," you are letting it slowly die.

Orphan

Why was the orphan so successful?

Because his options were to go bigger or go home. He only had one choice. :)

Baby

What is the difference between a dead baby and an orphan?

The dead baby happened on purpose while the orphan came out as an accident!

Daughter

Jack and Jill went up the hill to do it in the water.

Jack slipped, and the condom ripped; now they have a daughter.

Failure

When you think you can’t fail anymore if you’re dead, then you fail at suiciding.

Rape

Men should provide their disobedient daughters with their own "milk" instead of letting them use the mother. That will teach those bitches some respect for men. It may even help them get laid later on in life.

Maze

I always sucked at mazes. I found myself lost over and over again, but if life is a labyrinth, I'd always find the escape. The final dead end, my personal favorite...

Incest

Everyone says Kenny has an easy life.

I disagree. I hear his mom likes complicated sex positions.