Life jokes
Today was the worst day of my life. My ex got hit by a bus, and I lost my job as a bus driver.
My grandma unplugged the internet cable, so I unplugged her life support.
Suicidal thoughts aren’t nice, but nor is life. So why not get them both done and over with?
Did you know an eraser on a pencil slowly dies from your mistakes?
And did you know you're actually supposed to live for 25 minutes, but every time you breathe, it resets time?
What makes a child an orphan?
Their parents left them for good. :D
What’s an orphan’s favorite cereal?
Because it’s the only magical string in his life.
When I die I want to have a piece of paper near me giving a clue on how I died, like, "I want everyone to miss me except for this bullet," or, "You didn't hang with me but guess what did?"
Everyone always has a special person in their life someday, but I think yours got ran over by a bus.
Hey Jorden Calerendiá, your last name sounds like a sea food shop that I get my fish from.
Your roasting is trash just like you. Boy, stop roasting on Addison and Gwen and others; you're probably 5 years old trying to dislike that. That roasting is like from 1920, get a life.
Why can't you fool an aborted baby? Because it was not born yesterday.
Never say to an orphan, "Bye buddy, hope you find your dad!"
One of my friends named Jill had a drug overdose.
She didn’t have any of that drug after that. For the rest of her life, she acted very high. When she died, it was because of natural causes, not the drug. So this proves that a lethal dose is also a life time supply.
Teachers: Do you give your mother that attitude?
Orphan: ...
Why was the orphan so successful?
Because his options were to go bigger or go home. He only had one choice. :)
A computer is like a living organism. Its charger is its life support. If you "pull the plug," you are letting it slowly die.
One day, Little Susie got her monthly bleeding for the first time in her life.
Not quite certain what was happening, and somewhat frightened, she decided to tell Little Johnny. Little Susie dropped her panties and showed Little Johnny what was happening.
Little Johnny's eyes opened wide in amazement. "You know," he said, "I'm not a doctor, but it looks like someone just ripped your balls off!"
What is the difference between a dead baby and an orphan?
The dead baby happened on purpose while the orphan came out as an accident!
Jack and Jill went up the hill to do it in the water.
Jack slipped, and the condom ripped; now they have a daughter.
When you think you can’t fail anymore if you’re dead, then you fail at suiciding.
Men should provide their disobedient daughters with their own "milk" instead of letting them use the mother. That will teach those bitches some respect for men. It may even help them get laid later on in life.