Life jokes

Me: Are you an orphan?

Orphan: Yes, what gave me away?

Me: Your parents.

Today was the worst day of my life. My ex got hit by a bus, and I lost my job as a bus driver.

They say we will have eternal life when Jesus is no longer coming.

Teacher: I’m gonna call your parents.

Orphan: Go on, see if they pick up.

I walked past an orphanage, the orphans started to call me names, and I said, "At least I have a family!"

Everyone always has a special person in their life someday, but I think yours got ran over by a bus.

When I die I want to have a piece of paper near me giving a clue on how I died, like, "I want everyone to miss me except for this bullet," or, "You didn't hang with me but guess what did?"

One of my friends named Jill had a drug overdose.

She didn’t have any of that drug after that. For the rest of her life, she acted very high. When she died, it was because of natural causes, not the drug. So this proves that a lethal dose is also a life time supply.

Hey Jorden Calerendiá, your last name sounds like a sea food shop that I get my fish from.

Your roasting is trash just like you. Boy, stop roasting on Addison and Gwen and others; you're probably 5 years old trying to dislike that. That roasting is like from 1920, get a life.

Never say to an orphan, "Bye buddy, hope you find your dad!"

Why can't you fool an aborted baby? Because it was not born yesterday.

Why does an orphan play GTA?

To get wanted.

A computer is like a living organism. Its charger is its life support. If you "pull the plug," you are letting it slowly die.

Why was the orphan so successful?

Because his options were to go bigger or go home. He only had one choice. :)

Teachers: Do you give your mother that attitude?

Orphan: ...

What is the difference between a dead baby and an orphan?

The dead baby happened on purpose while the orphan came out as an accident!

Jack and Jill went up the hill to do it in the water.

Jack slipped, and the condom ripped; now they have a daughter.

When you think you can’t fail anymore if you’re dead, then you fail at suiciding.

Men should provide their disobedient daughters with their own "milk" instead of letting them use the mother. That will teach those bitches some respect for men. It may even help them get laid later on in life.

I always sucked at mazes. I found myself lost over and over again, but if life is a labyrinth, I'd always find the escape. The final dead end, my personal favorite...