Life jokes

My friend's life.

Why do orphans don't like to eat big bags of chips? Because they're family size.

God damn it. Fuck Christianity. I'm fucking 30 years old and still a virgin.

THAT'S A JOKE GOD DAMMIT!

What did the blind, deaf, and dumb orphans get for Christmas?...

Cancer.

What do you call a dead human?

A DEAD HUMAN! HAHAHahahah ha.. ha.. ha Am I the only one laughing?

What is it called if your mom does not make it to your birth?...

An abortion.

What goes in and out and saves your life but is not sexual?

Diabetes.

Two guys were walking down the street, and one of the guys told his friend he could talk any blond in the world into giving him a blowjob, any blond!

So the guy bet him 20 bucks and pointed to this cute blond sitting on the side of the road and said, "Alright, let's see it!"

The other guy walks up to the cutie and says, "Hi, my name's Dave, and my doctor just told me that if I didn't get a blowjob from a blond within three hours, the disease I have will kill me in, oh, let's see now, 22 minutes!"

She looked up at him with tears in her eyes and said, "You mean I could save you from dying right now?" Then she says, "Pull it out!"

Ten minutes later, the two men were laughing and patting old Dave on the back when his friend noticed the blond sitting in the alley bawling her eyes out!

So he walks over to her and says, "I would have thought you would be so happy for saving my friend's life?!"

So she looks up at him just crying her eyes out even worse and says, "I could have saved my dad!"

You have 10 to live.

“Wait, as in 10 minutes?”

10, 9, 8...

Bro told me this when he passed away.

I’m “Fading.”

Remember kids, if you're in a big problem, yell SHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEËEEEEEEEEĒEEEEĘEEEEEEEEESH!

I'm gonna cut my life off.

I dated an orphan and then later married him for 7 years until he told me he was an orphan.

afnshjrkf.

Have you ever met a kid who’s so fat that they can’t even be accepted to “My 600lb Life”? They need a higher-ranking one!

Yo mama eats so much that she spends her whole life on the toilet.

How are an emo kid and a hanging child the same?

Depends on who's hanging.

Life sucks, and so does the vacuum, and other things.

What’s a homeless person's favorite food?

My kid had an accident.