Life jokes
Why can an orphan relate to a pack of bananas?
Because they both split away from their family.
What did the tree do to the emo? Left her hanging.
Why did the orphan cross the road?
To because he wanted to find home >:D
Man dies.
What did the tree do to the emo?
He left him hanging.
"Not all treasure is silver and gold, mate."
A woman is on the edge of a bridge, about to commit suicide, when a strange man comes up to her.
"Tell me, why do you wish to end your life?" he asks in a booming but gentle voice.
"My children died last year in a car crash, I'm battling depression, my husband left me, and I lost my job," she sobs. "I don't wish to live anymore."
The man mulls this over, and proclaims, "I will solve all your problems, as I am a wizard and possess unfathomable abilities. However, you must grant me a blowjob first."
The delighted woman readily agrees, takes him below the bridge, and fulfills his request. After they're done, he asks, "How old are you?"
"37," she replies, wiping her mouth.
"You're 37 and you still believe in wizards?"
When I go to weddings, old people will tell me I'm next, but when I go to funerals, I tell old people they're next.
You wanna know who didn't kick the bucket? Stephen Hawking didn't; nor did he bite the dust.
My friend's life.
If your parachute doesn't work, don't worry.
You have the rest of your life to figure it out.
Why was the orphan so successful?
Because when he was told "go big or go home," he only had one option.
What did the orphan say to his father?
Nothing, he doesn't have one.
*Hears the news about Sandy Hook* Person 1: "God, I can only imagine what was going through those kids' heads in the last moments of their lives..."
Person 2: "Probably Bullets."
Person 1: "OMG!! Can you even think of what their parents are going through?!"
Person 2: "Probably Coffin Brochures."
Person 1: "...."
Person 2: "It's called dark humor. Dark humor is like food, not everyone gets it."
Kid walks in the door. "Mommy and Daddy, I'm home." Mommy and Daddy meanwhile in their room moaning. Kid runs to them thinking they're hurt and sees something he definitely shouldn't have.
10 minutes later, [he] kills himself.
Why can't depressed people make depression jokes? Because they can't talk if they are dead.
I asked my North Korean friend how it is to live there.
He said he couldn't complain.
Orphan, they're enough of a joke.
Did you know that they are making a movie about the four boys who lost their lives on the ice? They're calling the movie "The Lost Boys."
This is not a joke, it's a warning!
You guys are stupid. I am an orphan, and you better stop doing these. BTW, if you are an orphan, put it in the comments and say that it's not funny!