Life jokes
What’s the difference between a cat and a frog?
A cat has nine lives, and a frog croaks every day.
I only have 4 moods:
• fuck this • fuck that • fuck me • fuck you
I empathize with the above, but I have an additional 4 moods to add:
• fuck yeah • fuck no • fuck my life • fuck everything
and don't forget the inevitable
• fuck it
and for those who have just given up
• fuck
This is beautiful.
I can't cum anymore. I can't put children through this.
A cock really has a sad life. He's hairs a mess, his neighbor's an arsehole, his best friend is a cunt.
Want to hear an abortion joke, or any joke for that matter? You have that option, and you can thank your mother for that.
But that's a question that will never be heard by an aborted unborn baby, whose only option was death. And that's no joke.
I had a dad.
Hello everyone! I just came back! How are things going?
Why do orphans love to play family?
Because it's the closest they will be to being normal.
My mom said I rely on my devices too much, so I unplugged her life support.
Why did the orphan cross the road?
He thought he saw his parents.
Oasis, am I right?
Life is like a game of chess.
I don’t know how to play chess.
Kid: Imagine being an orphan!
Parents: Look who's talking, not you 'cause you ain't got no one to talk to! *vanishes*
Kid: WAIT, WHAT!
More expresso, less depresso. Jk, let's all drink bleach cuz life is a bitch.
Despite Michael Jackson’s legal problems while he was alive, McDonald’s is still going to honor his life achievements in the music industry by naming a sandwich after him.
They’re going to call it the McMichael! It’s going to be a fifty year old piece of meat pressed between two eight year old buns.
What's the difference between an orphan and a baby?
The orphan gets back up.
Someone: "I WANNA BE THE SUN OF YOUR LIFE!"
Me: Then stay at 1,000,000 km of me.
Aloneness is not the joke, it's unfortunately my reality.
Me: "Hey, are your parents home?"
Orphan: "Stop calling here!"
Me in the corner.
I saw an orphan and I said, "Yo."
He said, "What do you want?"
I said, "To be your new father."
"Really??!" the orphan said.
Me: Lol, no.
Orphan *Jumps into street*
Does Lightning McQueen get life insurance or car insurance?