Life jokes
If your parachute doesn't work, don't worry.
You have the rest of your life to figure it out.
I was about to joke about your life, but I think your life is already a joke.
What hates men but would have no life without men?
A triggered feminist.
Dark humor is like life:
Not everyone gets it.
Why can't orphans breathe? They are drowning in their own tears.
How are an emo kid and a hanging child the same?
Depends on who's hanging.
The circular saw asked the chainsaw, "When am I as big as you?"
The chainsaw would answer with, "When you cut down some things in your life. Like your owner."
The circular saw would reply with, "What?"
What's the difference between an apple and an orphan?
The apple gets picked.
When you unplug the charger to charge your phone, but you realize it was plugged into your grandpa's life support:
Why can’t orphans fly? Because they’re still winging it.
Orphan
Me: You know your parents were very good people.
Orphan: Wow, I didn’t know that.
Me: I know, you're an orphan.
My life is like a grenade... I pull off the ring and, BOOM, it explodes!
The peanut gained confidence and finally came out of its shell.
What’s the difference between me and grass? Grass doesn’t cut itself.
Why do orphans like Monopoly?
To cry about the money they can’t earn in real life.
Can two high-femme lesbians go on a date with each other?
Yes, but it will take them forever to get ready.
What's brown and sticky?
An orphan.
What’s an orphan’s least favorite event? Their birthday!
Why do orphans don't like to eat big bags of chips? Because they're family size.