Life Jokes

Me: Hey, how are you?

Depression: I'm doing fine. We are just looking for a home :3

Insomnia: Mommy, can we get a home?

Anxiety: Insomnia, wait for mommy to finish.

Depression: Anyway, here is my resume!

Me: Okie, thank you. Ok... mhmmm... WOW! Okie, this is a nice resume! (Didn't Read it...)

Depression: Also, I have two more friends that want to move in too!

Me: Ok, and their names?

Depression: Their names are: PTSD and Trauma!

Me: Ok, they seem fine (Doesn't know about them)

Depression: Okie, here is the money (a penny :(). Thank you, we will call you if we need anything.

Me: Ok, see you soon! :3

Me now hates my life. :)

What's the difference between an orphan and a dew?

One goes up and one goes down.

I can’t wait for collage....

5 min later, ight I’m gonna go kill myself.

Q. What movie represents an orphan's life?

A. Spiderman: No Way Home.

Dark jokes are like a new day. Suicidal people don't get it.

What’s the difference between a cat and a frog?

A cat has nine lives, and a frog croaks every day.

I only have 4 moods:

• fuck this • fuck that • fuck me • fuck you

I empathize with the above, but I have an additional 4 moods to add:

• fuck yeah • fuck no • fuck my life • fuck everything

and don't forget the inevitable

• fuck it

and for those who have just given up

• fuck

This is beautiful.

I can't cum anymore. I can't put children through this.

A cock really has a sad life. He's hairs a mess, his neighbor's an arsehole, his best friend is a cunt.

Want to hear an abortion joke, or any joke for that matter? You have that option, and you can thank your mother for that.

But that's a question that will never be heard by an aborted unborn baby, whose only option was death. And that's no joke.

I had a dad.

Hello everyone! I just came back! How are things going?

Why do orphans love to play family?

Because it's the closest they will be to being normal.

My mom said I rely on my devices too much, so I unplugged her life support.

Why did the orphan cross the road?

He thought he saw his parents.

Oasis, am I right?

Life is like a game of chess.

I don’t know how to play chess.

Kid: Imagine being an orphan!

Parents: Look who's talking, not you 'cause you ain't got no one to talk to! *vanishes*

Kid: WAIT, WHAT!

More expresso, less depresso. Jk, let's all drink bleach cuz life is a bitch.

Despite Michael Jackson’s legal problems while he was alive, McDonald’s is still going to honor his life achievements in the music industry by naming a sandwich after him.

They’re going to call it the McMichael! It’s going to be a fifty year old piece of meat pressed between two eight year old buns.

What's the difference between an orphan and a baby?

The orphan gets back up.