Life jokes
"I have cancer," the doctor said. "I have 3 days to live," but I was like "fuck it" and killed him. The jury said, "I have life in prison." I shouted, "Yes!" He said, "Thank you, you saved my life!"
A woman once falsely accused me of rape, and I was sentenced to life in prison.
PLEASE CONSIDER LAUGHING now 😂
I’m taken, taken my own life, bitch!
What issues don't orphans have?
Daddy issues.
The 2nd worst thing that happened to an orphan was finding out the milk man passed.
Me: I have lost it.
Random: Lost what?
Me: My will to live.
Why can't an orphan play baseball? They don't know where home is.
If they made a movie about your sex life, what would it be?
In Afghanistan, it would be "Twelve Years a Slave!" 🤣
What do dark humor and kids with cancer have in common? They never get old.
You know what the difference between Kobe Bryant and Russell Westbrook is?
He wears 0 and Kobe has 0 lives left.
I don't get progressive leftists these days. They claim to be supporting BLM, but they aren't pro-life.
If you ever feel useless... Just remember that if you ever feel useless... Just remember that it took the US 4 presidents, trillions of dollars, thousands of lives, and 20 years to replace the Taliban with... the Taliban.
What do you tell someone who has depression?
Answer: Just hang in there.
I will unplug your life support to kill my mum and then give her blood so she can bleed more.
I'll unplug your life support for my phone that's about to die.
My joke is your life support getting unplugged because my phone is about to die.
Why did an orphan say, "I'm wanted?" Because they wanted to feel a lie in their life.
At this point, I don't want a funeral when I commit. I just want a going away party so people have an excuse to celebrate.
Most controversial types of matter:
1. Dark matter 2. Anti-matter 3. Black Lives Matter.
I think it was wrong for that school shooter to end his life at the scene.
He could have done some good by becoming some lonely lifer's bottom.