A man is about to be hanged. His executioner asks for his last words.
The man says, “Man, it’s hard to think of something when your life is on the line.”
Life Jokes
I was spending my holiday in Paris with my gf. As we were walking near the city, a meteor hit and killed my gf.
Forensics did an autopsy on the corpse and concluded that someone missed a pen and hit my gf from the PSG training ground. SHAME ON YOU PESSI FOR RUINING MY LIFE! 🤬😡
My life is so sad it's because you're in it.
Friend: Wanna hear a joke?
Orphan Friend: Sure.
Friend: Parents.
Other: I don't get it.
Friend: And you never will.
Kid: Knock knock!
Orphan: Who's there?
Kid: Not your parents XD
The doctor gave his patient 1 day of life, so he shot him. Then the judge gave him 15 years, so there you go, problem solved.
What is something that makes you wish you were dead, rips your skin off, is small, can wear you out in two seconds, betray you in any way possible, and can eat you alive?
Kid's.
Why couldn't the orphan have the bag of chips?
It was family size.
Why is being alive so expensive? I'm not even having a good time.
This is not really a joke, but it's a question.
If life is a movie, then is death life? Is we seeing the trailer right now?
What did the orphan do when he got punched?
Nothing, because his parents weren't there! :)
Q. What is Terri Schiavo's favorite Eminem song?
A. "Till I Collapse."
Anthony Blinken's life sucks, and getting COVID-19 positive is the only positive thing that ever happened in his entire life!
We sped up the cycle of life and death, we gave Eric and Dylan a shortcut.
What did one aborted baby say to the other? Nothing. They're both dead.
Is your mom a virgin?
Mine is.
How am I alive?
You tell me.
Life's a bitch, and then you die. I now see what they mean.
In a thick Russian accent:
"Let's buy some vodka, pollute the earth with oil, and make insecure nuclear power plants that break all the time! Ah, yes. The mother land. A great place to be. Not like those stupid Ukrainian people who are living happy lives, they are crazy and need to die."
What is the difference between a suicidal person and you? You're not dead.
On my 21st Birthday, my mom told me, "I got a nice birthday present for you. As the son and only child, you're going to get something good, something you've been looking forward to," is what my mom said.
Me, my mom, and my only friend celebrated my Birthday, then we all went to sleep. I woke up the next day. I asked, "Hey, where's my gift you said you got me?" My mom said, "Since your father left us, you have no father figure in your life, so this is your new stepfather." The only thing is, it was my only friend.
