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Life jokes

I'm going to start taking confetti with me to therapy so when my therapist asks me, "How are you?" I can say "sad" and toss the confetti everywhere. It'll be like a real-life iMessage!

I forgot you can't make depression jokes outside of Twitter, lmao. My coworker was like, "You ready for this year to be over?"

I was like, "I'm ready for this life to be over." He was like, "Bro, what?"

[concert] SINGER: How's everyone doin' tonight? CROWD: Woo! ME (from the back in a normal speaking voice): It's actually been a tough few months.

Drinking coffee when you're anxious is about as effective as using gasoline to put out a fire, but slurp slurp guess who's an anxious bitch who never learns.

I bought myself the life-sized Jesus painting off of Amazon, and they had 4 nails within the pack. All I needed was 1.

Friend: How's it going?

Me: Good, things are good!

Parent: How are you?

Me: Oh, I'm fine!

Twitter: Compose new tweet?

Me: Hellooooo, I would like to tell you about my anxiety & my current greatest fears & let's talk about the impending apocalypse while we're at it.

This is the song we all misunderstood: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2S0QhGGO1gQ

"He said, "One day, you'll leave this world behind, so live a life you will remember." My father told me when I was just a child, "These are the nights that never die." My father told me."

Whenever I think about it deeply, it makes me wanna cry :(

"Why didn't the boy pick up his ice cream?" - Margaret

"Why?" - Depressed boy

"Because he got ran over." - Margaret

"I wish that was me." - Depressed boy