Life jokes

I decided today that I was going to do something with my life, something amazing, and I decided to punch a homeless man.

My friend was feeling low today, so I went up to her and said, "You know, I would hang in there if I was you, swaying through life." I don't think she likes me now.

I'm an orphan, please stop it. It's not nice and it made me cry.

What's the difference between an orphan and cotton?

One gets picked.

Why can't the orphan eat Doritos?

They were all family sized!

I caught the flowers at a wedding--now married to a hot guy. But then I caught an STD at a funeral, I kinda nervo.........

Why can't orphans see their parents?

Because they don't have one!

What type of flower do you give an orphan?

A self-raising [flour].

Ask someone if they are a rhino. If they say yes, tell them "so you're horny." And if they reply yes again, block them from your life entirely.

Moment and I

Someone: "I got chickens out there vibin'."

Me: "What? Oh, you mean those over-sized chickens that just show an example of you in real life?"

Someone: . . .

I walked past an orphanage, the orphans started to call me names, and I said, "At least I have a family!"

If anyone's joke here says "burn in hell," I will mimic your account for the rest of your life.

I say these jokes are life saving material. Who's with me?

Why do orphans hate dad jokes? They never return.

Wanna hear a joke? Me.

What's the difference between an orphan and an apple?

Apples get picked.

Suicide won't work, I'm already dead inside.

Teacher: I’m gonna call your parents.

Orphan: Go on, see if they pick up.

I am going to be a ghost for Halloween. I actually want to be a ghost every day, because at least I'd be dead.