Library jokes
Book on Michael Jackson: Issued black; returned white.
— Can I borrow a book [on] how to kill myself?
— Librarian: No, because you won’t bring it back.
We the jury are yet to deliver our final verdict, but we would like to have a guess.
Is it Mrs. Peacock with the candlestick in the library?
Man 1: I-I ran my mom over to get a stupid book.
Man 2: Aww, books aren't that bad. I'm sure she thinks you're a great son considering she can't drive anymore.
Man 1: She was in the road, and I was rushing to get the last copy of this book. She can't drive or do anything anymore.
What is the difference between a book and a Mexican?
One has papers.
I got kicked out of the school library for placing a women's rights book in the fiction section.
A guy entered a library and wanted to get some books to read. He was searching across the books, and the librarian asked him,
Librarian: What are you looking for?
Man: I am looking for a book!
Librarian: Which book?
Man: Facebook.
A man walks into a library.
Man: "Hello ma'am, do you know where I can find a book on suicide?"
Librarian: "Do you know about our return policy?"
Suicidal Man: ...
Librarian: ...
The Woman checking out a book: "WHAT THE FUCK?"
What is the tallest building?
A library 📚
It has the most stories.
Why did the clock out the library?
It tocked too much!
There was a dino at the library today.
It was reading a thesaurus.
A man walks into the library. “Hello ma’am, I’d like to borrow a book about committing suicide.” The librarian replies, “No, you won’t give it back.”
My junk was in the book of world records until I got kicked out of the library.
Stormtrooper: What should I do about my overdue library book?
Palpatine: Renew it!
This guy walks into a library one day and asks the librarian for a book on how to commit suicide.
The librarian says, "F*** no, you won’t return it!"
A woman walks into a library and asks if they have any books about paranoia. The librarian says, "They're right behind you!"
My friend was a victim of a school shooting once, but he couldn't tell if they were in the library because of the suppressor on his AR.
I just got a job at the prison library.
It has its prose and cons.
"Immobile" means "I'm mobile" in my books.
Me: (pointing up in the air) "Everybody listen up, this is a robbery!"
Girl: "Dude, this is a library."
Me: "Oh." (screwing on a silencer)