Library jokes

At the library, I got in trouble for putting a cooking book in the women's section.

Are you Spanish, because I will say "Hola."

Do you go to a biblioteca? Also, in Spanish, you will never guess the word "biblioteca." Find it, I dare you.

So, I just got kicked out of the orphanage library for putting a book about parents in the fiction section.

What's the difference between an orphan and a second-hand book?

The second-hand book was loved once.

Why are people mad at me? All I did was tell the truth and put the Bible in the fiction section of the library.

This guy came into my library a year ago and borrowed a book named "How to Commit Suicide." He never returned it.

They put the woman's rights in the fantasy section in the library.

The kids at Robb Elementary School went in to read books. Instead, they got dozens of magazines.

Why is America the fastest readers?

They went through 89 stories in 7 seconds.

A man walks into a library and asks for books about paranoia.

The librarian whispers, "They're right behind you!"

Guys, don’t put the Holocaust books in the fiction section, it was the worst mistake of my life!

I asked to borrow a book from the library. It was titled "Suicide in Ten Easy Steps." The cunt just stood and said, "Cheeky bastard, you won't bring it back!"

I got a job at a library once. I got fired like an hour in because the library manager said that the cookbooks didn’t go into the women’s sports section.

This isn't an orphan joke, but I got a job at a library, but it only lasted 15 minutes. Turns out, books about women’s rights shouldn’t go in the Sci-Fi / Fantasy section.

Here’s another joke my friend told me.

What did the school shooter do when the librarian told him to be quiet? Pulled out a silencer.

One of my students asks, "Can I have a bookmark?"

A year of school and they still don't know my name is Danny.

Me: Hey, that's a really heavy bag, do you have a lot of books and magazines in there?

The Quiet Kid: Yeah, magazines.....

9/11 victims are the best readers.

They went through hundreds of stories in a few seconds.

What do you do when you run out of lines on your book?

You look at the emo girl and say, "Hey, can I borrow your arm?"

A man went into a library to get a book on how to commit suicide.

The librarian said, "No, you won't bring it back."