Letter jokes

Yo mama is so lazy that the only letters she knows are "NO".

What’s Hitler’s favorite letter?

Not Z.

What comes next in the pattern: ottffs?

What happens once every minute, twice every millennium, but never in a hundred years?

The letter M.

There’s no "I" in "sex," but there’s a "U" in "cum."

Three unlucky jungle explorers were captured by a band of cannibals. Whilst being tied to three respective stakes, the chieftain announces that the hapless adventurers were about to die.

"After you're dead, you'll be skinned. The skin will be used to increase our canoe armada, and the rest of you will be food for us and our families."

This announcement was met with gasps of despair from the bound trio.

"There is one small favor I can offer you," the chief went on. "We'll let you choose your own method of death from what we have captured from other explorers."

Some of the tribal members begin walking by, displaying various implements of war and death.

The first explorer chose a crusty-looking musket. Thankfully, the powder load still fired, and he was dispatched without much fuss.

The second chose a knife and quickly drew it across his throat.

Both carcasses were hauled off by various tribesmen.

The third explorer stood there resolute and deep in thought.

After a few moments, the chieftain said, "There is no escape, you need to decide now, or I'll decide for yo..."

"Do you have a fountain pen in any of that junk?" the explorer interrupted?

Baffled, the chieftain sent two of his men to rummage. They came back bearing the pen and a bottle of ink.

When the explorer noticed the ink was Noodler's Baystate Blue, his grin spread from ear to ear.

Gathered round the explorer, spears in hand, the cannibals looked on as he was released and set to work filling the pen with ink.

Confused, the chief began to speak, "I'm afraid we have no paper, and even if you wrote a final letter, we'd have no way of sending it anywh..."

Cackling with triumphant glee, the explorer raised the pen into the air and began ramming it into his torso, nib first, again and again. He then fell upon the ground gasping a death rattle.

Horrified, the chief drew close as the man beckoned him for one final word.

"But why this painful death? When you had so many other more merciful options?" the chief asked.

Laughing, the man gasped his last statement into the chief's ear, "You'll make no boats from me now, and your mouths will be blue for months!"

Why did the rape victim stop eating pears?

Because she was told that if you rearrange the letters "PEAR," it spells "rape."

What are the four letters you don't want to hear from a dentist?

I C D K

Wife: Honey! Do you like tea?

Husband: No, I like after "T"!

It means: the letter "U": you!

How many letters are in the English Alphabet?

Twenty-two. ET went home, P ran down his leg, and he took ME with him.

When you turn 100, you get a letter from the Queen. When you turn 16, you get a DM from Prince Andrew.

Why does an orphan start with an "O"?

Because they only see their parents in their dream.

The E and F in Orphan stands for Every one in their Family.

Me: yep they definitely have one 100% 💯

The "F" in "Orphan" stands for "Famulu."

Q: How can you spell cold with two letters? A: IC (icy).

Q: What state is surrounded by the most water? A: Hawaii (this is really just a trick riddle).

Q: David's father had three sons: Snap, Crackle, and what's the third son's name? A: David.

I thought happiness started with an “H.” Why does my happiness start with “U”?

Why can't you hear a pterodactyl pee? Because the "p" is silent.

What do you call a group of letters that like to dance but make you want to poop?

A vowel movement.

In middle school, we had to create words with magnet letters. Some kid laid the word "Animal Therapist". I changed one space and got sent home :/

Did you know the "w" in Africa stands for water?