Law jokes

Why do so many people hate Bill Cosby? I mean, all he did was have affairs with drunk, attention-seeking women. They literally begged for it.

Why did the orphan commit a crime?

Because they wanted to be wanted!

You call it a school shooting.

I call it an unfair shootout.

Having sex in an elevator is wrong. On so many levels.

Everyone else seems to have met my dad. I only have the mugshots.

Q. Why did Josh Duggar cross the road?

A. There was a daycare on the other side.

I never touched kids, just women, but since I was famous, they were fine with it.

I ran into a kid today. Now I'm in jail and I lost my driver's license.

Why did the orphan play GTA? So he could get wanted.

What's the difference between a dog and a foster child?

A dog doesn't run to the police after you beat it.

First of all, if a woman sues Bill Cosby for drugging and rape 50 years ago, and she could still remember it, it couldn't have been all bad.

Are you suicidal? Remember, if you ever feel unwanted, just check to see your warrants.

The IRS hates when you don't have to pay your taxes with this one mind-blowing trick.

So a lady was walking down the street with two bags, and one of the bags was leaking $100 bills. A cop pulls up and he says, “Ma’am, ma’am, your bag is leaking hundred dollar bills.” Then she says, “Oh, thank you. I wonder how long that’s been going on.” And the cop says, “Before I help you, may I ask why your bag is leaking $100 bills?” And the lady says, “OK, I’ll tell you. So I live next to a stadium, and I have this beautiful rose garden, but these dumb teenagers always try and pee on the rosebushes. So they stick their junk through the fence, and I grab their junk. I said, ‘$100 dollars or it’s coming off.’” The cop says, “Oh, OK, well what’s the other bag for?” And she says, “Well, not all of them want to give me $100.”

I am armed with an automatic 4-OXD 22. caliber machine gun. HANDS IN THE AIR!

I don't got free candy. It costs child support.

If raping someone is sexual harassment, then is raping a rapist inverted harassment?

What is a prostitute's favorite form of traffic control?

Speed humps.

Ya make 10 paintings, you aren't an artist.

Ya make 20 meals, you aren't a chef.

But when I kill ONE PERSON, I'm a "horrible person" and a "menace to society."

Child abortion is like tax evasion: the more you lose, the less problems you have.