Law jokes
Woman gets pulled over by a cop.
Cop: "Ma'am, have you been drinking?"
Lady: "No, officer."
Cop: "What's that in your cup then, ma'am?"
Lady: "Just water, officer."
Cop: "Looks like wine to me."
Lady: "Oh my god, Jesus did it again!"
I've been looking for my parents for years.
For the life of me, I can't remember where I hid their bodies.
Why can't orphans get five stars in GTA? Because they weren't wanted.
What’s the difference between Isaac Newton and the kid I kidnapped?
Isaac Newton died a virgin.
What's the difference between a wanted person and a wanted handicapped person? The handicapped person wasn’t last seen on foot.
I saw a dwarf and said, "He costs 2 elixir!"
He called the cops.
"Rape[is] the only sign of world peace in this life."
I'm required by law to tell you I am a registered sex offender.
Why can't orphans ever get a car? Because they don't have a birth certificate.
Law is temporary. Syria is eternal.
When I was a little boy, I had this dream. I was eating a giant marshmallow.
When I woke, I was being sexually abused.
Why do orphans never get 5 stars in GTA 5? Because they are not wanted!
I really wanna hit you right now, but that would be animal abuse.
Why can't an orphan be a criminal?
They aren't wanted.
Why was the belt arrested?
It held up a pair of pants.
How did the computer hackers get away from the scene of the crime?
I think they just hacked the "chrime."
Kenny: "Tyler, you're lucky you're adopted."
Tyler: "Why?"
Kenny: "Because you can fuck your mom without getting arrested for incest."
Q. What’s the only good thing about child molesters?
A. They drive slow through school zones.
What does an orphan not have in common with a criminal?
Criminals are wanted.
I took my son to a driver's school and am surprised because he got his license but soon lost the privilege to drive a car because he ran over my ex on "accident."
(I gotta go pay him out of jail!)