Laughter jokes

What's the difference between a joke and the Twin Towers? People don't laugh at my jokes.

A mirror and a beer bottle are arguing.

The beer bottle says: "If you break me, you get one year of bad luck."

The mirror scoffs: "Oh, that's nothing. You break me and you get 7 years of bad luck."

The condom overhears these arguments and walks off laughing.

Used to laugh at Michael Jackson for wearing gloves and a mask...

Yet here I am, stuck at home in this COVID-19 "Thriller," beating it...

What is red and cries and spins around and around?

- A baby in a microwave.

How is a push-up bra like a bag of chips?

As soon as you open it, you realize it’s half empty.

When you're depressed about the world :( but you remember you will soon die :)

Somebody told me to cheer up so.... I told him to pass me a rope :)

What did the Chinese girl say when she had a baby?

"Sum ting wong."

I was a sit-down comedian, then I tried to stand up. I fell.

I wished I stayed in the wheelchair.

Don't you just hate it when you're the first one to fall asleep at a sleepover, and then you hear, "Prank em, John?"

I would tell you a recycling joke.

But I’m afraid it’d just be reused over and over.

My life is so sad it's because you're in it.

I was at a restaurant and a waitress yelled, "Does anyone know CPR?" I said, "I know the whole alphabet." Everyone laughed and laughed, well, everyone except one.

I never do dark jokes, but when I feel like it, I prefer orphan jokes, 'cause they're the safest option. I mean, what are they gonna do, call their parents?

Joker gives Batman a phone.

Thomas: "Uhh, son, we need to talk... about the uhh, dressing up."

Martha: "Hello dearie, Brucie, is it ok if you visit me when you go to Joker's house?"

My fucking life, cya.

I see, you guys jokers are SANS-ational!

What do you call the worst joke ever?

Well, according to my mom, I am.

"Why did Susie fall off the swing?" "Because she had no arms."

"Why couldn’t she get up off the ground?" "Because she had no friends."

"Knock knock." "Who’s there?" "Not Susie, she’s still on the ground."

"Where did Susie go when the bomb went off?" "Everywhere."

"Why couldn’t Susie scratch her leg?" "Because it was in a different body bag."

"Why did Susie drop her ice cream?" "She was hit by a bus."

"Why did Susie fall off the swing?" "Someone threw a refrigerator at her."

I am trying to re-comment something that used to be on here, but is no longer on here.

Here are some rules to make a good joke:

1: Don't say “my life.”

2: Proofread your joke and make sure people can read it/have good grammar in it.

3: And don’t repost things (although this last one is hypocritical because this was me trying to repost something, but it is still a good rule to go by).