Last jokes

Little Johnny is walking around and peeks in his parents' room, catching them having sex. So he asks, "What are you guys doing?" and they reply, "Nothing, nothing! We're just, uh, making cake," and they send him away.

So he continues walking around, and he hears some strange noises coming from his brother's room. He walks in and catches his brother and his brother's girlfriend having sex and then asks him, "What are you guys doing?" and his brother yells, "Get out! We're making cake!"

So Johnny leaves and goes to his room. The next day the whole family is at the dinner table and Little Johnny turns to his sister and says, "So, you and your boyfriend were making cake last night, huh?" and she replies, "OMG! How'd you know!?" and Johnny replies, "Because I licked the icing off the couch."

I still remember my dad's last words, "You c***! You let the ladder go, you cuuunt!"

Smack! He hit the ground and bled out.

The last two presidents of the US.

My friend fell on the Nile river and Egypt last week.

He swears by it, but he’s in denial.

So, a guy walks into a bar, and he tells the bartender, "After this last drink, I'm going to the roof to kill myself." A guy sitting next to him says, "I wouldn't do that if I were you." in which the man replies, "Oh yeah?" So, they both take their shots and go up to the roof. The guy says, "You're not gonna die, watch this!" He jumps off the roof and comes back up. The man rubs his eyes and tells him to go it again. He comes down and comes back up. The man says, "Cool, let me try!" and he jumps down only to kill himself. The guy goes back to the bar, and the bartender says, "Superman, you're an asshole."

You can't YEE your last HAW!

But I put my BALLS in ur JAW.

Life is like a box of chocolates. It doesn't last as long for fat people.

The last thing that went through Abe Lincoln's head was a bullet.

My grandpa's last words were, "Why is there a body in my kitchen?"

No witnesses.

I will never forget my little brother's last words, RIP.

His last words: "Paint doesn't taste good."

Thanks Ethan for all you've done. We've both made mistakes when all is said and done, but just thanks for being a good friend. This is officially my last post on here, Ethan-Real 1.

What's the only thing that doesn't change in Alabama?

The last names after marriage!

MISSING!!

MISSING!!

Name: Ghostiano Penaldo

Missing: 27/6/2021 vs Belgium

Characteristics: Disappearing in big games + Diving + always ranting "give me penalty".

Last found - Practicing tap ins.

Possible Locations: Penalty Spot, Parma, Crotone.

Might be dangerous towards good players.

Pilot: This is my last flight, everyone.

Passengers: *Clap*

Pilot: I became a pilot for one reason: To conquer my greatest fear.

Flight Attendant: And what is that?

Pilot: Dying alone. *speeds up towards Twin Towers*

Also the Pilot: Now who is ready to play some Jen---

Why did Oliver have no friends?

His last name was Clothesoff, and all the other kids would get in trouble whenever they would ask to play with Oliver Clothesoff.

How come yo mama did not come straight home from work last night? Because her daughter had sex with her boyfriend and got drunk.

Q. What's the best part of living in Alabama?

A. Not having to change your last name when you get married.

Three men were in a desert. One man was holding a jug, the 2nd was holding a paper bag, and the last was holding a car door. A man came around and asked the 1st why he had a jug. He said it was his water and if he got thirsty, he would take a drink.

Then he asked the second why do you have a paper bag? The guy said this is my packed lunch, so if I get hungry, I will eat my lunch.

Then he asked the last man why he has a car door and he said if he got hot he would roll down the window.

When God created mankind, he said, "Damn it! One is off color, the other yellowish. The last one is burnt!"

What does a one-night stand have in common with earthquakes? You never know how long they'll last.