Last jokes

I fear my last words will be "hold my beer and watch this."

I was crying at school and telling my friends that my grandpa died. Then I told them I still remember his last words. They wanted to hear them. They are: "you still holding the ladder?"

A plane is going to crash. There are four passengers and only three parachutes. All the staff are safe and are gone, leaving the passengers. Ryan Reynolds is the first. He says, "My fans need me," and jumps. Donald Trump takes another and says, "I am the smartest president," and jumps, leaving one. There is a pope and a boy left. The pope says, "Child, my life is over and yours has just begun, take the last parachute." The boy replies, "Don't worry - Donald took my backpack."

What was Stephen Hawking's last meal?

Meals on wheels.

Me and my grandpa went on a road trip, and he died. That was the last thing we did together, and I will never forget his last words: “WAKE UP YOU DUMBASS!”

My German girlfriend likes to rate our sex between 1-10.

Last night we tried anal, she kept shouting "9"!

That’s the best I’ve done so far.

Last time I got a piece of ass was when my finger went through the toilet paper.

8008135 is my favorite number.

The worst ratio is 6:9.

And last but not least, "Why was six afraid of seven?" Seven eight nine. But why was six with nine? Because when you put them together, you get 69. But why was six mad at nine? Because Nine eight six, too.

I can barely remember the last words my uncle told me.

"Let go of my nose!"

I don't know an orphan joke, but I bib cried last night.

Because I am an orphan.

My first name is Al and my last name is Coholic :) #yuengling.f/wat

Why do emo kids love dressing up on Halloween so much?

It's their last holiday for them, but at least they're still hanging on...

I was playing Warzone last night, and I shot my teammate that said they were emo. When I shot him, another player did, and it said "assist kill."

I will never forget my grandfather's last words:

"Can you hold the ladder correctly, damn it!"

My last 15 minutes as a 23 y/o!!

It's not my birthday, but a scary-looking man with a crowbar just broke into my house.

I went scuba diving last year. It was fun, but at the end, I ran out of oxygen.

It was a breathtaking experience.

Famous last words: I COULD EAT THIS IN ONE BITE!

This bitch got mad at me because I couldn’t last four strokes. What the fuck are you mad at me for? My grandpa didn’t even survive one.

109 countries can't be wrong. Watch Europa: The Last Battle.

Ok guys, I have one last joke (for now).

What do you call it when Panera is over?

Panera end.