Last jokes

Last words of the mayor of Hiroshima: “What the fuck was that noise?”

Little Johnny runs up to his mother and says, "Mommy, mommy, the other day I was playing with my ball upstairs and my ball got away and into your closet, and when I went to get it, daddy came in with the lady next door and they started hugging and kissing and the lady next door took off daddy's clothes and daddy took off the clothes from the lady next door, and they both got into your bed, and the lady next door got on top of daddy and started...". The mother cuts him off and says "Just stop right there. You wait until your daddy comes home so you can tell him everything you just told me." Couple hours later the father arrives and walks through the door to find his wife and child with bags packed. She walks up to him and slaps across the face shouting "I'm leaving you... Go ahead Johnny, tell him what you told me earlier." Johnny steps forward to tell his daddy. "Daddy, the other day I was playing with my ball upstairs and my ball got away and into your closet, and when I went to get it, you came in with the lady next door and you both started hugging and kissing and the lady next door took off your clothes and you took off the clothes from the lady next door, and you both got into your bed, and the lady next door got on top of you and started doing the same thing mom did with uncle Joe last summer."

I fear my last words will be "hold my beer and watch this."

I was crying at school and telling my friends that my grandpa died. Then I told them I still remember his last words. They wanted to hear them. They are: "you still holding the ladder?"

A plane is going to crash. There are four passengers and only three parachutes. All the staff are safe and are gone, leaving the passengers. Ryan Reynolds is the first. He says, "My fans need me," and jumps. Donald Trump takes another and says, "I am the smartest president," and jumps, leaving one. There is a pope and a boy left. The pope says, "Child, my life is over and yours has just begun, take the last parachute." The boy replies, "Don't worry - Donald took my backpack."

Me and my grandpa went on a road trip, and he died. That was the last thing we did together, and I will never forget his last words: “WAKE UP YOU DUMBASS!”

What was Stephen Hawking's last meal?

Meals on wheels.

Last time I got a piece of ass was when my finger went through the toilet paper.

I can barely remember the last words my uncle told me.

"Let go of my nose!"

This bitch got mad at me because I couldn’t last four strokes. What the fuck are you mad at me for? My grandpa didn’t even survive one.

109 countries can't be wrong. Watch Europa: The Last Battle.

I’ll never forget my father’s last words to me just before he died: “Are you sure you fixed the brakes?”

Famous last words: I COULD EAT THIS IN ONE BITE!

I went scuba diving last year. It was fun, but at the end, I ran out of oxygen.

It was a breathtaking experience.

Ok guys, I have one last joke (for now).

What do you call it when Panera is over?

Panera end.

What were Paul Walker's last words?

I dk probably "WATCH THE FUCKING TREE!"

I don't know an orphan joke, but I bib cried last night.

Because I am an orphan.

Why do emo kids love dressing up on Halloween so much?

It's their last holiday for them, but at least they're still hanging on...

My first name is Al and my last name is Coholic :) #yuengling.f/wat

I will never forget my grandfather's last words:

"Can you hold the ladder correctly, damn it!"