I went scuba diving last year. It was fun but at the end I ran out of oxygen. It was a breathtaking experience.
grandfathers last words :Stop shaking the ladder you cunt Grandmother last words : you know how to use that hammer Dads last words : Always aim before you shoot that gun Moms last words :Turn of the stove when you're done My last thought : am I a murder
Little Johnny runs up to his mother and says, "mommy mommy, the other day I was playing with my ball upstairs and my ball got away and into your closet, and when I went to get it, daddy came in with the lady next door and they started hugging and kissing and the lady next door took off daddy's clothes and daddy took off the clothes from the lady next door, and they both got into your bed, and the lady next door got on top of daddy and started...". The mother cuts him off and says "just stop right there. You wait until your daddy comes home so you can tell him everything you just told me." Couple hours later the father arrives and walks through the door to find his wife and child with bags packed. She walks up to him and slaps across the face shouting "I'm leaving you... Go ahead Johnny, tell him what you told me earlier." Johnny steps forward to tell his daddy. "Daddy, the other day I was playing with my ball upstairs and my ball got away and into your closet, and when I went to get it, you came in with the lady next door and you both started hugging and kissing and the lady next door took off your clothes and you took off the clothes from the lady next door, and you both got into your bed, and the lady next door got on top of you and started doing the same thing mom did with uncle joe last summer."
My last relationship ended because my ex girlfriend accused me of being a rapist. I'm not upset, to be honest I didn't like her anyway, she kept telling me I never listen, or something like that
What did Ron put in his diary? I Her-mio-ne after I banged her last night.
My sister's name was Philma. We were unfortunate enough to have the last name coochie. Let's just say no more virgins were at that school.
What was the last thing that crossed Princess Diana's mind? The steering wheel.
if my phone battery lasted as long as my relationship i would never be able to play my phone
I remember my uncles last words: "I don't think were going shooting today."
Whats the last thing that went through curt cobains mind? His teeth
Last week a girl asked me for sex. I had to disappoint her... so I said yes.
Hey Jorden Calerendiá ur last name sounds like a sea food shop that i get my fish from. Ur roasting is trash just like u. Boy stop roastin on Addison and Gwen and others u prob 5 years old trying to dis like that. That roasting is like from 1920 get a life.
life is like a mcdonalds meal it only lasts 7 seconds for fat people
The last time I had flying lessons I hit some building in Manhattan. Then my Uncle got shot in 2008. Darn...
A rich girl is flying on his helicopter when suddenly it crashes, killing everyone. What was the last thing that went through her head?
The Helicopter Blade
What was the last thing that went through Aiden's head befor he died?
His elbow.
I was speaking at my grandpa's funeral and I told everybody his last words: "You still holding the latter?"
what’s the difference between jesus and maddie mccann one had the last supper
Me: Cobain! Friend: No, dude, its Kobe. Me: why? Cobain didn't miss his last shot.
I encountered a milf at a bar last night although she is 57 years old, she is still very charming and sexy
we were drinking, chatting, laughing, and having a good time
then, she asked me flirtatiously
"have you ever tried a mother-daughter threesome before?"
I said, "Nope, not yet".
She drank a little more, and said, "well, darling, tonight is your lucky night."
So she took me to her place.
She took out her keys
opens her door
turn on the light
and she yells towards upstairs
"Mom, are you still awake?”
