A plane is going to crash. There are four passengers and only three parachutes. All the staff are safe and are gone, leaving the passengers. Ryan Reynolds is the first. He says, "My fans need me," and jumps. Donald Trump takes another and says, "I am the smartest president," and jumps, leaving one. There is a pope and a boy left. The pope says, "Child, my life is over and yours has just begun, take the last parachute." The boy replies, "Don't worry - Donald took my backpack."
My sister's name was Philma. We were unfortunate enough to have the last name Coochie. Let's just say no more virgins were at that school.
What was the last thing that crossed Princess Diana's mind?
The steering wheel.
If my phone battery lasted as long as my relationship, I would never be able to play on my phone.
What's the last thing that went through Curt Cobain's mind?
His teeth.
I remember my uncle's last words:
"I don't think we're going shooting today."
I remember my dad's last words: "I met your father."
Police Report: Looking for a female, light brown hair, blue eyes, freckles, and a small scar on her right check.
Last seen on CCTV wearing see-through bottoms, a pink top, and a vibrating dildo hanging out of her arse. If you find this woman, please get her to charge the dildo for excessive fun.
Last week a girl asked me for sex. I had to disappoint her... so I said yes.
Hey Jorden Calerendiá, your last name sounds like a sea food shop that I get my fish from.
Your roasting is trash just like you. Boy, stop roasting on Addison and Gwen and others; you're probably 5 years old trying to dislike that. That roasting is like from 1920, get a life.
The last time I had flying lessons, I hit some building in Manhattan. Then my Uncle got shot in 2008. Darn...
What was the last thing that went through Aiden's head before he died?
His elbow.
A rich girl is flying on his helicopter when suddenly it crashes, killing everyone. What was the last thing that went through her head?
The helicopter blade!
I was speaking at my grandpa's funeral and I told everybody his last words: "You still holding the ladder?"
What’s the difference between Jesus and Maddie McCann?
One had the last supper.
Me: Cobain!
Friend: No, dude, it's Kobe.
Me: Why? Cobain didn't miss his last shot.
I remember Grandpa's last words, "Oh, shit! It's in drive!"
My dad, unfortunately, passed away when we couldn’t remember his blood type...
His last words to us were, “Be positive!”
I bought a white Xbox to last longer, and I bought a black Xbox to run faster.
I remember when I was at a funeral at the age of 6. I was with my grandma and asked, "Grandma, Grandma, why is that man in a box?"
And she says, "He's in a better place now." I look at her confused and ask, "What kind of box did he live in before?! How is this box better than the last one?! It's just a box!"
And to this day I am still not allowed to go to funerals.
